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The I shit my pants thread.

Sandy Johnson said:
43... Hoping to keep my clean pants streak for at least a few more years.

Eh...
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CarterKraft said:
It has to do with proximity to a bathroom...
Spend all your life in wifi range or in the wide open you are gonna be fine.

I'm often a long way from a bathroom I can have access to and in very close proximity to people who are watching me, a bad combination.
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Splib said:
I am humbled and in awe of the great ones here.
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westracing01 said:
I wasn't going to reply to this thread but fuck it. Reading DRTDEVL post actually made me feel a tick better so why not. I have such limited shame left who cares.
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:laughing: Both of the above. Its comforting to know we're not alone, one of the benefits of this place. :laughing:


1992 fresh out of basic and tech school, first station whiteman afb. newly married, maybe a month.....we were heading out to the car and I had that fart/shart thing hit me. well, it was more. had to about face and retreat into the house and clean up. thats fun as a newly wed. every once in a while she'll remind of it too. :lmao: going on 32 years now. :grinpimp:

drove a brown bus and had numerous times shitting in a bag in the back. I think thats a right of passage in the delivery game.

the second best one I have is on a monumental dual sport ride in the mark twain forest. i think there were 15 of us, one was my oldest who at the time was 10ish. we had been riding most of the day, the sweetest single track riding missouri had to offer when we pulled into an opening. mustve been the size of a football field, perfect circle. Falling from the sky was the whitest cotton wood blossoms you've ever seen. to the point you almost couldnt see blue above it. crazy. felt like some sort of seance. Im deathly allergic to cotton wood and immediately started coughing and sneezing to the point of puking my guts out. then the shitpiss hit. I'm 50 yards away from the group leaned up against a tree shitting piss and puking. :laughing: one of my riding buddies had the necessary toiletries, many thanks to him. from then on I ride with the same kit.
 
44, last legit let loose in my pants I think I was 31. We went and got barbecue at lunch, my buddy was in the hoe and I was laying pipe in the ditch, bent over to send a joint home and it let loose, Pure liquid and by the time I got my pants and underwear stripped off I was just able to pinch my soaked underwear enough to keep it from running into the top of my socks. He is only like 70 foot away and digging direct in sight line of the ditch and I am assuming he is watching so I am laughing so hard I’m still squirting bubbles out while trying to cut my underwear off and save the pants and socks . He literally never looked up from the controls, I lost a couple shirts sleeves wiping the rest of it up and use the front of my underwear to the best of the dry parts left, got cleaned up good enough to finish the day. Did not see that one coming.
Now I am good for a small streak in the underwear maybe twice a month and a quarter sized wet spot maybe four times a year that I need to grab some new underwear for.
I cut out most carbs and sugar about five months ago and if I do cheat it is bubble guts and misery
 
Sandy Johnson said:
I found INSTANTLY in college that I can't trust a fart with Bud Light. I have no idea what's in it, but if I drink at least 2 of them and wait 20 minutes, my farts will have blow-by
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Estrogen, apparently it turns dudes into trannies.
 
I had a near tragedy in Hong Kong once, the only bathroom available was one of these in bar along the street I walking down. My gut was rumbling and I was a mile from my hotel. Nothing like pissing out your ass trying to hit a hole on the floor. Luckily my pants and shoes survived, but it was close. Pro tip, avoid the fresh local crab in HK.


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bad zuki said:
Nobody around to watch is still a nice bathroom! The middle of a crowded Costa-Rican beach after drinking the tap water isn't.
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What kinda shitty water you drinkin in Costa Rica? I've travelled around that country for 5 years and all I drink is tap water. Never gotten sick from it. It's not Mexico.
 
Honestly I have a box of these at all times in my possession. They will save you in many ways. Especially since I spend more time on the road and jobsite or at homes with no safety. I’ve learned to skip meals and drink only water if I question where I will be for the day and other days I start off by just eating a couple of these in the morning.

It’s a 90% reduction of the chance of things going wrong and stops it if it’s too late.
 

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Tooheysmax said:
Honestly I have a box of these at all times in my possession. They will save you in many ways. Especially since I spend more time on the road and jobsite or at homes with no safety. I’ve learned to skip meals and drink only water if I question where I will be for the day and other days I start off by just eating a couple of these in the morning.

It’s a 90% reduction of the chance of things going wrong and stops it if it’s too late.
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Yeah. Generic Imodium will save your ass.
 
brocolocoli said:
What kinda shitty water you drinkin in Costa Rica? I've travelled around that country for 5 years and all I drink is tap water. Never gotten sick from it. It's not Mexico.
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Scenario: bad zuki’s 3rd Costa Rica trip.
Date: March 13th, 2020.
Location: Nicaragua border on the CR side.

Prelude: I’d gotten this aweful sickness At the end of January 2020 and was finally over it in Feb before the trip. I don’t know if it was the leftover kung-flu or the water. But we landed for a 2 week vacation March 9th.

We arrived to this nice little bird sanctuary campground on the border river on friday morning and had a day until everyone would be there after work. Swim in the river and caught some fish on a banana. Seriously. Horrible stomach pains start later on, so We message the guys to bring some medication. They show up with these little white pills, and say the pills will plug you up for exactly 12 hours.

We start down the day trail at 9 am and have an amazing time, I’m rolling through pictures as the winch lines sing. I’ll do an album one day… nobody knows it, but the “main road” was completely gone.

I’m not really thinking about it, enjoying the trip, and that little white pill said its 12 hour workday was up and there is no over time. I immediately regret that fart. Too late. Trains are leaving the station. All of them. All at once. Thank god I was out of the truck that I was riding in and it was dark. The mist from the fart was the only thing that hit the pants. Immediately run to a tree with big leafs and clean myself. Tell no one out of a group of 25.

This 8 hour trip took us 27 hours to get done. The next week I set my watch to time the little white pills. 12 hours on the dot, then find some bushes to play human water jet. All over the west coast beaches. Pictured below was the “main road” the power company used to service the transmission lines.

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Goddamnit.

I went mountain biking in Bellingham today, met a buddy and was set to have a great lap. I went up the hill with gloves, socks, and fancy padded underwear. I came down the hill with none of those things and I'm currently sanitizing my pants. :mad3:
 
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