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The I shit my pants thread.

CarterKraft said:
I was out of uniforms yesterday so after this happened I drove to the shop got new uniforms, went home and showered...

Work from home wife says what the fuck are you doing home?

Changing :flipoff2:

Since my back surgery my schedule is fucked, can not get/stay regular.
The anesthesia and following 4 days of hydrocodone use have me really off my game.
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Take some probiotics.
 
This is exactly why my cousin carry’s a shit kit in all his vehicles. Fresh drawers, baby wipes, Bordeaux’s Butt Paste and Monkey Butt powder.
 
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subybaja said:
Satellite map of shit-in-a-field. What a wonderful future we live in! :lmao:
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I thought it looked like a septic field :flipoff2:

Carterkraft, I have a shop with no bathroom. I know the feeling all too well.

Story from the shop, a local guy got a road call to pick up a semi with a wrecker. He got there and got the owner in the cab and the urge hit him to take a dump. He shat in the back wheel on the semi and started back towards the garage. By the time they got back all of it had spreed evenly in the 24.5 rim and one of the mechanics walked out and swiped his finger it and said the rear axle seal was shot. :lmao:
 

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bad zuki said:
I thought it looked like a septic field :flipoff2:

Carterkraft, I have a shop with no bathroom. I know the feeling all too well.

Story from the shop, a local guy got a road call to pick up a semi with a wrecker. He got there and got the owner in the cab and the urge hit him to take a dump. He shat in the back wheel on the semi and started back towards the garage. By the time they got back all of it had spreed evenly in the 24.5 rim and one of the mechanics walked out and swiped his finger it and said the rear axle seal was shot. :lmao:
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Fuck :lmao:

I thought it was a legit shop but when I walked in I noticed it's just one of those dual container deals with a roof I got scared.

Dude sitting playing on his phone says NOPE, panic set in...
 
I’m 67 and have ibs. Every fart is an adventure. Shit myself multiple times bailing from the truck running into the house with my ass cheeks clenched so tight you couldn’t part them with a pry bar. Then…. SON OF A BITCH!!!💩
 
Awhile back I was lucky enough to be home when the screamers hit me. On the toilet doubled over with cramps, eyes closed, sweat pouring off me enough I pulled my t-shirt off. When things finally calmed down, I opened my eyes and everything was bad blurry, couldn’t see shit! Holy fuck, I’m having a stroke! Took a few seconds to realize I had steamed up my glasses.
 
Well up to 50 I was batting a1000. I was in Azle at the pawn shop looking at some guns and I get this **** kick in my gut. Was very uncomfortable to say the least. My daughter was with me. I said we need to go home, not 10 miles. I told my daughter to speed up, the shit pains were excruciating at this point. Well about one mile from the house all hell breaks loose, I didn’t even have time to tell her to pull over. I get to the house and just start ripping off clothes and grabbing the garden hose.
 
I was doing a job at a landfill. Was down below the tipping deck in a new cell we were making checking on my crew. Went around a corner from the dozer. Felt the need to piss. As I'm pissing I feel a fart come on.










It wasn't just a fart.:lmao:






So there I am in view of anyone on the hill, taking everything below the belt off and using a roll of paper towels to get it all off. Went down my legs into my boots and all. :barf::lmao:


Good thing I had a change of clothes in the truck for such an occasion cause I was raised that way. :laughing:
 
2020

Left my house in Cheyenne headed for Denver.
To much Burrito Factory with jalapeños the night before.

I-25 was busy and I had to go. Pulled over and grabbed my baby wipes as I was walking towards the ditch with a few weeds for cover.
Sharted and wasn’t to worried because I had baby wipes.

Squatted and finished but bad news my baby wipes were frozen.
Cut my drawers off and left them for the Colorado Highway Dept. road crew. :flipoff2:

Went back home with a bad feeling down there and cleaned up properly.

Baby wipes freeze at 15 deg F.

:homer:
 
I shit the bed on my high school trip to Disney world. I ate 3 Philly cheese steaks and went to sleep, woke up pissing out of my ass. In the bed. While sharing the bed with one of my classmates. Spent the rest of the night on the toilet. This was in 05

Most recent time was 2 years ago. Tried to fart at the urinal and got more than I bargained for. Waddled backwards into a stall and dropped my pants and emptied the rest. I cut off my boxers with my pocket knife and threw them away
 
Then there was the time the wife gave me some magnesium pills. I think it was to get me to sleep or something. Well, I was out doing stuff and the urge hit and boy did it hit hard. I had my ass cheeks clenched so hard I could've made a diamond out of a chunk of coal.




Almost made it.



Almost.




Those chonies didn't. :lmao:
 
Captain Call said:
I was doing a job at a landfill. Was down below the tipping deck in a new cell we were making checking on my crew. Went around a corner from the dozer. Felt the need to piss. As I'm pissing I feel a fart come on.










It wasn't just a fart.:lmao:






So there I am in view of anyone on the hill, taking everything below the belt off and using a roll of paper towels to get it all off. Went down my legs into my boots and all. :barf::lmao:


Good thing I had a change of clothes in the truck for such an occasion cause I was raised that way. :laughing:
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This is the only time I have ever heard of someone using the extra pair of underwear our mothers always told us we would need :lmao:
 
I am humbled and in awe of the great ones here. My last creation was way out, where Idaho 28 meets 22. way past and far beyond San DiegoCJ on rte 93. I had been clenching since Leadore . . .. . There is nothing there. Not even cover to squat and squirt. Fucking Hyundai Elantra bucket seat is deep. I tried to lever out from my position, like a coiled angry snake. As I rolled into the flat at hwy intersection, there was, fuck yeah, a porta pottee. Didnt make it. Badness and sadness. About 15-20 mph wind with nice gusts. Dropped and bade farewell to my warrior Walmart Wrangelrs, and hung them on the barbed wire fence waving in the breeze. A week later I went through east bound and the plastic crapper had blown over. Someone has that job.
 
You need one of these beauts and a bucket in your service rig. Should have tall enough sides for a little modesty in the bed.

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My favorite turd spot on deployments was the dozer blade. Sit on the blade support bar, lean against the blade with cheeks out. Relaxing, relatively protected spot to release the days problems. Lift blade, back up, blade down and keep dozin'.

Once had to shit in a parking lot on MCRD San Diego. I'd park my pickup there and get a cab to the airport when going on leave. Get back to the truck and it hits me. I have no clue if there's unlocked bathrooms near this lot and I'm panicing in the dark as it rains. Squat by the rear tire in the rain and left a mostly liquid present. Hope it washed away before morning.

Also TP in all vehicles, had to drop presents in a few tree lines. Even once at work, I wasn't going to make it the 100 yards to the house from the shed. Grabbed a roll of paper towels from the bench and hustled to the tree line 10 yards, barely made it.

Friends were asking why I don't stop for fast food on my two day drives to Tejas. I'm not going to risk it miles from a clean throne. Pb&Js as I drive, can eat plenty of Mexican food and Whattaburger when I get to Corpus.
 
Lowrollin70gmc said:
You need one of these beauts and a bucket in your service rig. Should have tall enough sides for a little modesty in the bed.

1000004006.jpg


My favorite turd spot on deployments was the dozer blade. Sit on the blade support bar, lean against the blade with cheeks out. Relaxing, relatively protected spot to release the days problems. Lift blade, back up, blade down and keep dozin'.

Once had to shit in a parking lot on MCRD San Diego. I'd park my pickup there and get a cab to the airport when going on leave. Get back to the truck and it hits me. I have no clue if there's unlocked bathrooms near this lot and I'm panicing in the dark as it rains. Squat by the rear tire in the rain and left a mostly liquid present. Hope it washed away before morning.

Also TP in all vehicles, had to drop presents in a few tree lines. Even once at work, I wasn't going to make it the 100 yards to the house from the shed. Grabbed a roll of paper towels from the bench and hustled to the tree line 10 yards, barely made it.

Friends were asking why I don't stop for fast food on my two day drives to Tejas. I'm not going to risk it miles from a clean throne. Pb&Js as I drive, can eat plenty of Mexican food and Whattaburger when I get to Corpus.
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I've done the 5 gallon bucket in the truck bed, a great story if I get in novel mood...

I used my equipment umbrella to create a "booth", due to my proximity to the customers log cabin and my inability to drive off :lmao:
 
JayMcJay said:
It’s like, if you don’t have to winch once in a while you’re not really wheeling……
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Nobody winches wheeling. Everyone uses a strap. So do you use toilet paper or free-ball it ?
 
Was heading to work one morning it was around 6:30 ish in the morning, drove through a green light on a split 4 lane road, looked over at the circle K , farted an shit myself. Drove on knew there was another station a mile or so down the road, that station was closed. Pulled into Mcdonalds insted, walk into restaraunt, plastic bag and wipes in hand, just to see a bunch of young ladies staring at me. Cleaned up threw underwear and other stuff in the bag and left, got to work, threw everything in mechanics office trash can.
 
I swear I can't walk out into the woods on my property without getting hit with the 'you need to shit RIGHT NOW' pangs. I don't even fight it out there any more, find a downed tree off the trail and blast away :laughing:


I can literally use the bath room, walk out in to the woods to do trail work or whatever, and as soon as I get far enough out to be a problem, it hits.
 
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