The I shit my pants thread.

[MadScientist]

So I currently have some undiagnosed health issues. A lot has changed with diet etc. I’ve never really been constipated bad before. For about 3 days it felt like I had a turtle head all the time. Trying to take a shit did nothing. So I got some milk of magnesia and followed instructions. Nothing for like 6 hours so I went to bed. Woke up at about midnight with a little gurgle in my belly and then I felt it coming. So I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. At least as fast as one can clinching their ass cheeks. I made it into the bathroom and while walking and trying to pull down my pants there it was. I got my pants halfway down and about 2 feet from the toilet and exploded. This was not a normal explosion. It had about a a 3 foot splatter zone and got all over the walls, toilet and me. This was some toxic shit and a lot of it. I should have called the biohazard team to come clean it up.

So fair warning, be careful with milk of magnesia.

 

[72blazer]

First off, 64Trvlr , thank you for your service, you're the reason we can talk "shit" to each other on the internet.


I shit my pants years ago............................from pushing real hard..........go figure.

Had been with the ex for about 6 months and we were on the couch watching a movie. Felt like I had a big fart brewing, so I figured I'd impress her with my power. Leaned over and pushed hard. Big 'ol giant glurp. I go rigid. Ex looks at me and says "That didn't sound right". I respond with "No, it sounded right, I just shit myself, I though it was a fart". I get up saying I'm going to take a shower. As I start walking away in shame she says "You have a wet spot in the back of your sweat pants". "Ya, you get those when you shit yourself".

Never tried to impress her with my farting ability again.

 

[Mr250twostroke]

So I currently have some undiagnosed health issues. A lot has changed with diet etc. I’ve never really been constipated bad before. For about 3 days it felt like I had a turtle head all the time. Trying to take a shit did nothing. So I got some milk of magnesia and followed instructions. Nothing for like 6 hours so I went to bed. Woke up at about midnight with a little gurgle in my belly and then I felt it coming. So I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. At least as fast as one can clinching their ass cheeks. I made it into the bathroom and while walking and trying to pull down my pants there it was. I got my pants halfway down and about 2 feet from the toilet and exploded. This was not a normal explosion. It had about a a 3 foot splatter zone and got all over the walls, toilet and me. This was some toxic shit and a lot of it. I should have called the biohazard team to come clean it up.

So fair warning, be careful with milk of magnesia.

Name checks out, you created a monster shit

 

[MadScientist]

Name checks out, you created a monster shit

 

[shortbus4x4]

Didn't shit my pants but the keto diet doesn't agree with me and had me fucked up bad, had some serious gas the day after reintroducing carbs and farted so loud in the bathroom my nephew came down the stairs and asked if I was okay

Hard to shit your pants when they're down around your ankles and you're sitting on the toilet. You failed.

 

[Mr250twostroke]

Oddly your ass explosion reminds me of a situation I had with my son's mother.

I was somewhat freshly single in a big new home, just fucking around with as much new strange as possible. Freshly single was from a 17 year marriage so strange was pretty fukkin neato when the divorce attorney cost ended. I met my son's mother at a club meeting, it was a non-profit wheeling club that mainly helped keep Elbe Hills maintained and open, WOW (Wheelers of Washington). Got to know Tina and Bobby Long there You know the drill. I was the vBulletin Admin and we were voting on various duties @ a pizza joint iirc. I was 41, she was 27. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her and naturally she got my vote for Treasurer . Meeting ends and we're all walking to our vehicles. I'm unlocking my door when a female friend walks up, takes my keys, and escort's me to the passenger side of of a new lifted Duramax. The kind you see dudes w/ flabills and white frame sunglasses driving (no stacks, phew). She opens the door for me and the chick sitting in the driver's seat is my son's mom. Fast forward we end up at a bar doing shots, playing pool. Hammered and horny a sober friend drove us back to my house. What happened after that was the stuff you remember even after having been retardedly blitzkrieged. Morning comes around, 7ish iirc and I wake up to pounding, downstairs, on my door. It's our friend that hooked us up, there to pick her up cause she has to go to work. I didn't know that or I would have kissed her on the cheek end of the night before... cause I'm a gentleman and shit. I grab her a bottle of water, hugged her and say I had a really nice time. Shut the door and think to myself , this chick,14 years my junior, must have been wrecked to do the things she did to me. Wrote her off as the ole 1 night deal and continued on. I end up seeing her at a buddy's bon fire party, date with me, and she shows up with a mutual friend. It isn't long before she approaches me and is confused why I didn't get a hold of her... ummm... just been busy . Who's that you're with? Her? Oh that's Jackie, a friend of mine . Fast forward another friend gets us out of there and back to my place. Jackie left in her own vehicle.
We end up in the master Jacuzzi tub and it's as saucy as can be . Out of no where she announces that my ass stinks . No. Fucking. Way. I was drenched in Drakkar (the most non flatbill/white sunglass scent ever brewed ). Unpossible as I had meticulously manscaped on top of the perfect cologne. I get out of the 95⁰ bubbling water to investigate. Open the door to the bedroom and am overwhelmed by the smell of explosive shit only to find the dog pictured on the left staring at me with the love a dog oozes, they ooze other stuff too, fuck. Irok, a dog I had just takin in from a good friend who couldn't keep him. Irok shit against the wall so hard with such a swath that I couldn't even comprehend what my eyes were witnessing. He didn't like the food that Katrina, my hurricane Katrina rescue dog loved (RIP Katrina, no other dog has come close to you) and that was sorta obvious. The kids mom pursued me hard and I caved when she proposed to me eventually. Guess I believe in equal rights, I couldn't have been shallow enough to accept that otherwise . End result is I have an amazing son after 4 amazing girls with my 1st marriage.
Your shit show reminded me of that.

 

[Firstram]

 

[Jwredneck]