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The I shit my pants thread.

Fucking learnt something today. Never trust a fart after greasy pizza the night before and always wear protection....i.e. underwear.

Underwear being the easy inner liner to toss in the lowes garbage and keep on a moving. Wife probably thinks I cheated on her after throwing the clothes in the washer immediately after getting home and taking a shower. :homer:
 
WhiteTrash303 said:
The timing of this thread bump is ironic. I have a colonoscopy first thing tomorrow morning. Which means I'm on the clean out juice all day today.
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if they dont tell you after the procedure stick around the hospital for an hour or so. You will be needing those facilities before you can get home. I nearly shit myself twice at the Deere dealership picking up some oil filters for my new mower. everything normal to CODE BROWN right now in about .5 seconds.. :laughing:
 
Wades_76_cj7 said:
if they dont tell you after the procedure stick around the hospital for an hour or so. You will be needing those facilities before you can get home. I nearly shit myself twice at the Deere dealership picking up some oil filters for my new mower. everything normal to CODE BROWN right now in about .5 seconds.. :laughing:
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Well, I have a 23 mile drive home, speed limit of 65, and 2 stop signs that are VERY optional. I think I'm just gonna make a run for it.
 
About shit myself in my sleep.
Woke up around 0630 needing to poop a bit but fell back asleep.

Had a dream of being in Afghanistan going out on a mission but needed to poop first. Then it turned into the woods in the middle of winter and finding a building that was falling down but had like 200 bathrooms, only no toilets left in them, or they were smashed.

Find one but now im in a hoarder trailer house and the cat lady is in the living room chain smoking Virginia Slims.

Blow up the avocado green shitter.. it was complete with knitted lid cover and piss matt.
Then realize there's nothing to wipe with. Rummage through the cabinets, find baby wives, nice!

Use one, but suddenly it turns into the size of a bath towel. It plugs the toilet, which then is massively overflowing, like the thing flows 50gpm or something, and starting to flood the house.

Woke up and barely got to the actual shitter. Put new undies on just in case too.
 
AKnate said:
About shit myself in my sleep.
Woke up around 0630 needing to poop a bit but fell back asleep.

Had a dream of being in Afghanistan going out on a mission but needed to poop first. Then it turned into the woods in the middle of winter and finding a building that was falling down but had like 200 bathrooms, only no toilets left in them, or they were smashed.

Find one but now im in a hoarder trailer house and the cat lady is in the living room chain smoking Virginia Slims.

Blow up the avocado green shitter.. it was complete with knitted lid cover and piss matt.
Then realize there's nothing to wipe with. Rummage through the cabinets, find baby wives, nice!

Use one, but suddenly it turns into the size of a bath towel. It plugs the toilet, which then is massively overflowing, like the thing flows 50gpm or something, and starting to flood the house.

Woke up and barely got to the actual shitter. Put new undies on just in case too.
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200.gif


The recall and attention to detail are impressive.
 
AKnate said:
About shit myself in my sleep.
Woke up around 0630 needing to poop a bit but fell back asleep.

Had a dream of being in Afghanistan going out on a mission but needed to poop first. Then it turned into the woods in the middle of winter and finding a building that was falling down but had like 200 bathrooms, only no toilets left in them, or they were smashed.

Find one but now im in a hoarder trailer house and the cat lady is in the living room chain smoking Virginia Slims.

Blow up the avocado green shitter.. it was complete with knitted lid cover and piss matt.
Then realize there's nothing to wipe with. Rummage through the cabinets, find baby wives, nice!

Use one, but suddenly it turns into the size of a bath towel. It plugs the toilet, which then is massively overflowing, like the thing flows 50gpm or something, and starting to flood the house.

Woke up and barely got to the actual shitter. Put new undies on just in case too.
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this is like a penthouse letter for shit.
 
JayMcJay said:
Was in the shower a few weeks back at a hotel. Pushed out a fart. Not a fart.
Washed up enough to dry off enough to get on the can and finish that not-a-fart then get in the shower to finish that.
Being old sucks.
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Yeah. I'm learning to not trust my farts, there might be a surprise at the end.:flipoff2:
 
I have a special needs brother-in-law. He is a 51 year old man but is mentally around 2 - 4 years old. My wife and I took him out on the brand new boat and he shit his pants and didn’t tell anyone. Nasty shit sweat/water was pouring out of his shorts all over the seats, sun deck, floor etc. He wouldn’t get in the water. He kept touching everything. Not ideal…

It was about 105 degrees and rather than swimming and tubing, we ended up at the marina pulling carpet out and cleaning every inch of the boat. So gross!
 
I'm still blamed for shitting my pants in the Aerostar around 1996 on our way back from shopping (hr drive).

About 20mins from home the "huh, almost could poop" kicked high gear and holy fuck, it's coming out now!

I tell Mom it's an emergency. Pull over now!
She took her sweet ass time, im clamping and she's still doing 55... country road, just road, shoulder, woods.

Van was still moving and I bailed, ITS COMING OUTTTT almost had time to rip my pants down to sprayed the side of the road.
Got liquid shit on my pants, legs, shoes, underwear were a write off.

Used up a whole stack of kleenex trying to clean liquid shit that wiped off like a mix of driveway sealer and old oil from an 8v71 Detroit.

My Mom still insists she pulled over right away and I took my sweet ass time.

My Dad was pissed, it stank in the pretty new van for weeks....hell probably still does according to them and they sold it in like 1999 🤣
 
Crawl Away said:
I have a special needs brother-in-law. He is a 51 year old man but is mentally around 2 - 4 years old. My wife and I took him out on the brand new boat and he shit his pants and didn’t tell anyone. Nasty shit sweat/water was pouring out of his shorts all over the seats, sun deck, floor etc. He wouldn’t get in the water. He kept touching everything. Not ideal…

It was about 105 degrees and rather than swimming and tubing, we ended up at the marina pulling carpet out and cleaning every inch of the boat. So gross!
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At least he has a halfway legit reason.

My dad came to visit a few years ago and brought my aunt. She brought a sickness with her. We all went to my in-laws for dinner and she stayed back at the house.
We come back and there is an ambulance in the driveway. She didnt bother to call us first. Turns out, she was just dehydrated. Yeah, that definitely warranted an ambulance :rolleyes: She had the shits, it would make zero effort to go to the bathroom. Just shit her pants wherever she was. Somehow the main toilet got clogged and unplungable. Then everyone in the house got the same sickness. After staying a couple extra days, they all felt well enough to travel so they are heading out the door and I notice there is shit on our velour couches. We say something about it and she just flips the cushion over :homer:

That couch was out the back door and on fire before they got around the block 🤣

Since then, I get to hear the latest shitting her pants story from my dad every time he calls.
 
AKnate said:
About shit myself in my sleep.
Woke up around 0630 needing to poop a bit but fell back asleep.

Had a dream of being in Afghanistan going out on a mission but needed to poop first. Then it turned into the woods in the middle of winter and finding a building that was falling down but had like 200 bathrooms, only no toilets left in them, or they were smashed.

Find one but now im in a hoarder trailer house and the cat lady is in the living room chain smoking Virginia Slims.

Blow up the avocado green shitter.. it was complete with knitted lid cover and piss matt.
Then realize there's nothing to wipe with. Rummage through the cabinets, find baby wives, nice!

Use one, but suddenly it turns into the size of a bath towel. It plugs the toilet, which then is massively overflowing, like the thing flows 50gpm or something, and starting to flood the house.

Woke up and barely got to the actual shitter. Put new undies on just in case too.
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Report to the win thread! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
 
AKnate said:
About shit myself in my sleep.
Woke up around 0630 needing to poop a bit but fell back asleep.

Had a dream of being in Afghanistan going out on a mission but needed to poop first. Then it turned into the woods in the middle of winter and finding a building that was falling down but had like 200 bathrooms, only no toilets left in them, or they were smashed.

Find one but now im in a hoarder trailer house and the cat lady is in the living room chain smoking Virginia Slims.

Blow up the avocado green shitter.. it was complete with knitted lid cover and piss matt.
Then realize there's nothing to wipe with. Rummage through the cabinets, find baby wives, nice!

Use one, but suddenly it turns into the size of a bath towel. It plugs the toilet, which then is massively overflowing, like the thing flows 50gpm or something, and starting to flood the house.

Woke up and barely got to the actual shitter. Put new undies on just in case too.
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That's a solid dream when you get all that sort of detail
 
GF almost shit herself on our way back from New Mexico on a remote I40 off-ramp. Lost a couple pairs of white gym socks over that shit-show.... Not a biggie; fucking Mexican food will sneak up on you. All vehicles are now fully stocked with TP.

Dang; I had one at work that was so bad they called an ambulance (mostly water when I passed out). Sailors are hauling me off the ship in a "Stokes Litter". Someone asked the sailors "What happend; he shit himself!".

Goofy uncle was fighting a bad case of Montezuma revenge in Ensada Mexico. Pharmacist gave him some suppositories to take..... He is later bitching on how fucking awful the damm things tasted......:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: That was my best fucking fishing trip ever!
 
Shitting in your pants is easy, try shitting on your feet.

I got shot in the side, bullet went in through the bottom of my right lung, appendix, gall bladder, intestines and stomach. After a bunch of surgery I wound up without the bottom of my right lung, appendix, gall bladder, about 9 feet of intestines a little bit of my stomach. I also got a cool little bag to shit in.

When I got out of the hospital and finally back to the barracks life was pretty good. I was in the head one morning about 0500, took a nice long shower and was standing at the sink cleaning around my stoma (hole in my side where the bag to shit goes) when I felt my feet getting warm and wet. I looked down and I had just shit on my feet. :eek:There is no warning whatsoever when you need to shit, you just go.

That's the way to start the day! :grinpimp:
 
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