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The I shit my pants thread.

I haven't full fawn shat myself yet, but I've had some fucking surprises now that I'm into my 40s.

Rely close one time so far. Kinda scared me a bit and now I apply a Lil extra caution... Until if forget to I guess.
 
DRTDEVL said:
Meh. I suffer from anal leakage from hemorrhoids. It ain't poop, rather pus and blood. I ruin at least 2 pairs of drawers a week. My wife even offered me her pads for when its bad, but I can't wrap my head about always with wings in my shorts.

Might have them removed after my next butt doc visit.
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1) Get panty liners. They make them for women who have leaky bladders. Adhesive on one side, absorbant pad on the other. Stick them in your shorts or the back of you pants if you go commando. I don't have bleeding hemorrhoids but there are other annoying/painful/embarassing conditions out there.

2) Two summers ago, stepped out on the porch to have a smoke, felt a nice fart coming and let it rip... Ploofsplat... "Oh my Holy fuck..." Chucked the cigarette and went flying upstairs. Wife looked at me like I had two heads until I explained... She started to laugh until I told her to remember her bus ride when she was sick and the laughing died.

Everyone will shit their pants at least once long after the time they no longer should.

I wasn't going to reply to this thread but fuck it. Reading DRTDEVL post actually made me feel a tick better so why not. I have such limited shame left who cares.
 
I had a zero dark thirty service call a week ago. My stomach was a wee bit upset and I'd had bad diarrhea that evening. I walk out and start my service truck and put it in gear. Thought a fart would feel really good and went to let it rip, pinched it off last second because it felt like there was more. Threw the truck in park and went fast walking back into the house clenching while fumbling for the door key. I would've been running but was afraid of what would happen if I did. Got the door unlocked and made a beeline for my bathroom while getting the decks cleared for action. I let loose over the toilet but wasn't fully seated yet, got some splash back but not bad. Peed out my butt for about 10 seconds and then felt better. Cleaned up and did my service call.

Not this time shart, not this time.:flipoff2:
 
I'm rather proud of nearly shitting myself last week. Up on a mezzanine in a shop filling their tanks and let one go that burned my ass and had me gagging.

About 45 seconds later truck doors start opening in the shop and I hear "you NASSTY mother fuckers" as one guy is blaming the others.
Shop is probably 100x150ft, 20+ft ceiling and they were a good 40ft from me.
I let round 2 go in the box truck, opened the rollup door an hr later and it still was bad.
 
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Fucking happened tonight. Got home from dinner with the wife, farted and it just kept going......danm near a full tank worth.

My wife couldn't not stop laughing for hours. This thread was the first thing I thought of once I cleaned up
 
Add said:
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Fucking happened tonight. Got home from dinner with the wife, farted and it just kept going......danm near a full tank worth.

My wife couldn't not stop laughing for hours. This thread was the first thing I thought of once I cleaned up
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You motherfucker. I bout painted my monitor with dip spit. :beer:
 
Had a close call without warning this week. I flew home and felt my stomach drop when I arrived at baggage claim. I was in the stall for ~30min and don't recall how many courtesy flushes were made. If that'd happen during the flight, or worse on approach, Delta would have had to burn the plane.
 
First time I met up with backchat down at KS Rocks last year I had bubble guts real bad. I had to stop a couple times that day and run off in the trees to squat. Nearly didn't get stopped in time once and almost filled my britches. I am sure he was thinking WTF is wrong with this guy? :laughing:
 
Levigarrett76 said:
What does an average day of eating look like for yall?
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I eat garbage for dinner followed by 24oz of coffee on an empty stomach the following morning and I have never been in any danger of making a contribution to this thread. Some people just have inferior genetics. :flipoff2:
 
arse_sidewards said:
I eat garbage for dinner followed by 24oz of coffee on an empty stomach the following morning and I have never been in any danger of making a contribution to this thread. Some people just have inferior genetics. :flipoff2:
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I may have crapped myself but I can hold my head high knowing I have never driven a Subaru. :flipoff2:
 
Wades_76_cj7 said:
First time I met up with backchat down at KS Rocks last year I had bubble guts real bad. I had to stop a couple times that day and run off in the trees to squat. Nearly didn't get stopped in time once and almost filled my britches. I am sure he was thinking WTF is wrong with this guy? :laughing:
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Ha! We just thought you sucked at staying with the group!

You should have mentioned it. 3/4 people I usually wheel with have IBS and carry shit tickets everywhere they go. You were in good company.

I'm also surprised you didn't spot your shorts when you flopped her,,,

:beer:
 
Levigarrett76 said:
What does an average day of eating look like for yall?
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Seriously. I can count on one hand all the times I have trusted a fart a little too much and puut a light skidmark in my drawers... but full on shitting your pants? Hasn't happened to me, and I used to drink and eat street tacos in TJ.
 
Had to use the big trash can in the shop today :shaking:

Normally wouldn't have been an issue but I'm currently on crutches after f'ing my knee up a few days ago and knew there was no way I was going to be able to make it up the 3 steps from the shop to the house then get to the bathroom.

Sigh. Guess I should get that bag out before I forget and end up digging in there for some reason :lmao:


Adding a toilet/sink to the shop is on my list of goals for this year. The house sits up about 18-20" higher than the shop, so need to determine how deep the sewer line to the septic tank actually is and if I can tie right in or if it will need a pump.
 
I can't recall ever actually shitting my pants when I had ulcerative colitis flaring up bad, but i've damn sure had some photo finishes of the nanosecond waistband passes the asshole as shit starts flying:laughing: It's amazing how you can basically have it under control but it's like your ass knows "ok front door to the house is unlocked now, the race is on!" :lmao:
Until My most recent doc visit where I finally got taken off a pill that makes me pee like crazy for a few hours in the mornings, I've pissed my pants a little bit here and there.. I had a batch of boxers where the fly on them was like a fucking Rubiks cube to figure out how to get through the fly to whip it out. Those have all been thrown away now lol
 
Gots_a_sol said:
Adding a toilet/sink to the shop is on my list of goals for this year. The house sits up about 18-20" higher than the shop, so need to determine how deep the sewer line to the septic tank actually is and if I can tie right in or if it will need a pump.
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you don't /really/ need a toilet in the shop, sink works perfectly well even when called upon for impromptu solids duty

if you're blasting your guts out uncontrolled, then most of it will wash down the drain without much prodding
 
Gots_a_sol said:
:lmao:


Adding a toilet/sink to the shop is on my list of goals for this year. The house sits up about 18-20" higher than the shop, so need to determine how deep the sewer line to the septic tank actually is and if I can tie right in or if it will need a pump.
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I am in no way advocating this, but for a shop sink that's really not used for much other than washing hands, etc.. a pipe into a bed of #5 stone works just fine.
Also not advocating this, but a 280 gallon oil tank buried in the ground with 4 inch perforated pipe running out of it as a makeshift septic field also works for unpermitted septic system for an office trailer at a sand mine. I don't remember where i heard that from your honor, but i heard it is possible :flipoff2:
 
[486] said:
you don't /really/ need a toilet in the shop, sink works perfectly well even when called upon for impromptu solids duty

if you're blasting your guts out uncontrolled, then most of it will wash down the drain without much prodding
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The house only has a single bathroom so having a secondary half bath available is the main driving point. Not sure the woman or child are up for shitting in the sink :laughing:


Drummer79 said:
I am in no way advocating this, but for a shop sink that's really not used for much other than washing hands, etc.. a pipe into a bed of #5 stone works just fine.
Also not advocating this, but a 280 gallon oil tank buried in the ground with 4 inch perforated pipe running out of it as a makeshift septic field also works for unpermitted septic system for an office trailer at a sand mine. I don't remember where i heard that from your honor, but i heard it is possible :flipoff2:
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My buddy definitely didn't do very similar at this shop :grinpimp: My shop is only 6' from the house so I plan to tie it in. Now that barn that is 200' away, yea, it definitely isn't getting something sketchy out there :stirthepot:
 
Jeebus.... What kind of geriatric club is this with all you old cranks shitting yourselves? Boomer central? Someone get a box of mueslix up in here.

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Sandy Johnson said:
Seriously. I can count on one hand all the times I have trusted a fart a little too much and puut a light skidmark in my drawers... but full on shitting your pants? Hasn't happened to me, and I used to drink and eat street tacos in TJ.
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You must be very young..... Just wait; it will happen; trust me!
 
Sandy Johnson said:
Seriously. I can count on one hand all the times I have trusted a fart a little too much and puut a light skidmark in my drawers... but full on shitting your pants? Hasn't happened to me, and I used to drink and eat street tacos in TJ.
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It has to do with proximity to a bathroom...
Spend all your life in wifi range or in the wide open you are gonna be fine.

I'm often a long way from a bathroom I can have access to and in very close proximity to people who are watching me, a bad combination.
 
billdacat said:
You must be very young..... Just wait; it will happen; trust me!
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43... Hoping to keep my clean pants streak for at least a few more years.
CarterKraft said:
It has to do with proximity to a bathroom...
Spend all your life in wifi range or in the wide open you are gonna be fine.

I'm often a long way from a bathroom I can have access to and in very close proximity to people who are watching me, a bad combination.
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Eh...
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SomeGuyFromOlympia said:
that is one big bathroom, shouldn't be a problem :grinpimp:
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Nobody around to watch is still a nice bathroom! The middle of a crowded Costa-Rican beach after drinking the tap water isn't.

billdacat said:
You must be very young..... Just wait; it will happen; trust me!
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The grandparents are building a huge retirement house. 2 Br - 4 Bath on the main floor. I asked them why.
Grandad: When you get to be our age you don't need a bathroom in 30 feet, you need it now.

[486] said:
you don't /really/ need a toilet in the shop, sink works perfectly well even when called upon for impromptu solids duty

if you're blasting your guts out uncontrolled, then most of it will wash down the drain without much prodding
Click to expand...
The term you are looking for is "Waffle Stomping" :flipoff2:
 
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