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Things Children Say

Driving by the beach with the family. Up ahead I see some chickens in the grass by the side of the road. This is an odd sight for the area.

So I tell the kids “Hey look at the chickens on the side of the road”. My youngest was 2, just learning to talk. Doesn’t miss a beat:
“Can we step on them with the car”?

Doesn’t even know how to say run them over, but wants me to run them over :laughing:
 
YotaAtieToo said:
4 year old is at this stage, except its at the top of his lungs "I'M DONE, I, SAID, I'M, DONEEE!!!!" I'm like, OK dude, give me 30 damn seconds to get in there. :laughing:
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Mine tries doing it himself. He does....alright. Then proceeds to unroll the entire thing and fill the bowl.

Its a work in progress.
 
My son was probably 2 and a half, sitting behind me in the suburban, we just came off Mt Lemmon playing in the snow, and swung into McD's to get a coffee for my gf.
I get to the order window, about to order, just a coffee, and from behind me loud and clear
"I WANT A CHEESEBURGER"

he's in his car seat, leaning as close as he can, he's hucked his leg up on the armrest, on the window switch and used his heel to roll the window down:laughing:


Another time, in the seat behind me

"Dad, when I'm older, will my voice change"
"Yeah buddy, your voice will change"

"Then I want a voice like yours"


I'm all proud, touched, emotional, swelling, almost tearing up


"Or, maybe the guy that sings Uptown funk you up"





Little shit:laughing:
 
YotaAtieToo said:
Been there with the oldest and learned not to push them doing it themselves :laughing:
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We don't push him. He goes off on his own and starts. We have to check in on him to make sure he hasn't already started. :laughing:
 
A few of my favorite.

My little brother has downs, his speech is a bit off due to this. He used to mainly subside on baloney sandwiches. Being the youngest and with special, needs my parents spoiled him rotten. Whenever he was hungry he would yell baloney with his booming voice, except it came out as “blow me”. Plain as day, and as clear as could be, no matter where we were, you would hear “blow me” loudly and repeatedly.

My daughter was about 4 or so and was in the aisle with candles at the store. My wife and her were smelling them all to pick out what they wanted. My daughter told my wife that she should buy this one for her car so it doesn’t smell like farts anymore. This drew many snickers from the rest of the women in the aisle.

My son who is a fucking animal is the wildest. I walk in the door from work and my son who is about 2 or so is running around in just a diaper like the white trash we are. I then see him reach into the front of his diaper and pull a Cheeto out and eat it. He then proceeds to explain to me this is how he carries his Cheetos around. Not a terrible idea but he wasn’t sure if his diaper was pissy when I enquired about the status of his diaper. I asked my wife and her response was “at this fucking point in time I don’t fucking care”.
 
Daughter was about 4 or so, at the time my wife drove an Expedition.

She pulls into a parking space at the store and parks next to a SmartCar. My daughter looks out her window from her car seat and asks:
"Mom, what's that?"
"That's a SmartCar"
Without hesitation my daughter replies: "If they were smart, they'd buy a bigger car!"
 
Aggie06 said:
I’ve been doing a 1,2,3 count when the kid is doing something she has been asked not to do. Little shit looked at me the other day and and put one finger up and started to try for two. I was laughing so I lost credibility.
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don't double standard
let her/him put you down for a nap to teach you a lesson :beer:
 
When my daughter was about 4 (30 now) she would wear her hair in a ponytail. At the store with me pushing the shopping cart and her in the seat, she would keep trying to turn around to watch her mom. Me of coarse gives her ponytail a tug and look around like I didn't do anything.

Finally she turns and looks at me and says....stop it dick head. :lmao:

My wife turns around with a shocked faced and I ask, I wonder where she heard that from...:laughing:
 
4 year old. One of his friends is named Morgan. We're walking around the neighborhood and we see Morgan's cat last night.

"That's Morgan's cat.. I don't know its name, do you?"
"uuuh .....Morgan."
"No, that's her name, you don't think she'd name her cat after her do you?"
"Yeah! If I had a cat I would name him Calvin!"(his name is Calvin).
"What? no..."
"...and if you had a cat his name would be Harry!"
"I don't think..."
"... and if Caleb(other friend) had a cat, he would name him Caleb!"
"Ok, that's silly. What would you name them if you had two cats then?"
"If I had two cats, I would name the first one Calvin and I would name the other one Calvin 2."

I can't argue with that logic.
 
Then there's the conversation that made the wife and I realize it was time to stop cussing in front of the kid:

He's 3 at the time. Just hiked back up to the truck from the beach. Wife took our youngest for a walk to try and put him to sleep. I'm changing out of my wetsuit next to the front passenger door. The door is open and he's sitting on the seat waiting for me. Cue a tiny spider coming down from the door sill on a web.

"Uh oh, a little spider. I'll get it when I get out of this wetsuit"
visibly scared 3 year old "DAD! Kill the fuckin spider with your wetsuit!"
I freeze and look up at him
"What did you say?"
looking even more agitated
"I SAID KILL THE FUCKIN SPIDER WITH YOUR FUCKIN WETSUIT!"
"Oooh Kay! That's what I thought you said. I will kill the spider, but afterwards we're going to talk about how all of us, including mom, aren't going to use that word anymore."

Upside is he never used it in front of us again after the talk. He knows it's a bad word and it's not respectful. I have caught him trying it on under his breath a time or two in his room when he didn't think anyone was around, but I let those go.
 
We were at the the zoo over the summer. Wife goes into the aquarium to breastfeed the baby, its the only place building with ac. Son and I are walking around seeing the sights, we go back to check on them. Without missing a beat he goes 'look a mother feeding its young!' And points to the old lady, she has a deer in a headlights look as the 100 people in the aquarium turn around and look at her. I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't laugh, she still thinks I put him up to it.
 
Oz-Fest way back when
Son was probably 5ish (28 now) We're hanging towards the back of the grass, enjoying the festivities. We had just gotten some burgers. Tons of people passing in front of us. We had been moving around a bit to avoid the pop-up mosh pits. All's good.
Out of nowhere, some dude comes "off the top rope" and decks another dude RIGHT in front of us, then proceeds to beat the shit out of him. His girlfriend pulls him off and they scatter, with decked dude laying there bleeding.
My son, burger in hand, turns to me and says "that wasn't very nice", takes a bite and turns around to watch the show.
 
We've never gotten our kids in trouble for cussing, we just tell them those are adult words. Our oldest used to get upset with himself when he was around 4-5 and would accidentally mess up a word and it would come out sounding like a cuss word.
 
YotaAtieToo said:
We've never gotten our kids in trouble for cussing, we just tell them those are adult words. Our oldest used to get upset with himself when he was around 4-5 and would accidentally mess up a word and it would come out sounding like a cuss word.
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We told our son that some words have more power than others. Just like my dirtbike has too much power for him, but he will grow up and be able to ride it, he will grow up and be able to use those words, but not yet.

So far so good.
 
Harry Johnson said:
Then there's the conversation that made the wife and I realize it was time to stop cussing in front of the kid:
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My daughter was about 3 in the bathtub and I hear her bloody murder scream. I go tearing ass in there and she points to a spider on the wall.

Being the smart ass I go back to the bedroom, grab my shotgun, head to the bathroom, rack it, point it at the spider, look at her and say "ready"?

She covers her ears and nods. :lmao:
 
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Stuck said:
My two+ year old loves trucks. His favorite are dump trucks. All day long its dumf fuck this and dumf fuck that, wan my dumf fuck. We were at sams club and they had these big yellow tonka dump trucks. So of course as soon as he sees them he starts yelling at the top of his lungs "DUMF FUCK! DUMF FUCK!" Like 20 people just stop and look "I WANNA DUMF FUCK!" and when they realize what hes yelling about they all just start laughing. Which of course is his cue for "DUMF FUCK DUMF FUCK DUMF FUCK!" . Wife is embarrassed, I was laughing as I handed him the dump truck. Which of course he drops on the floor and lets out a very clear "Oh fuck!". He has that one down pretty good, context and all. Pretty sure that ones my fault. :shaking:
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I think we have the same kid :laughing:

Can't pass any equipment without him yelling out what it is. Skid loader, dozer, loader, digger, backhoe, trash truck, dump truck, box truck, etc.

GF and I were driving one day, we pass a parked dump truck in a field. Back seat was quiet then all of the sudden "I LOVE DUMP TRUCKS!!!1"

He's also 2.
 
YotaAtieToo said:
We've never gotten our kids in trouble for cussing, we just tell them those are adult words. Our oldest used to get upset with himself when he was around 4-5 and would accidentally mess up a word and it would come out sounding like a cuss word.
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We've dubbed the phrase "shop talk". If he's outside with me, and something happens, he's in the clear. Inside or around momma, that's a no go. He's pretty good at following it too.
 
TiTRD said:
I think we have the same kid :laughing:

Can't pass any equipment without him yelling out what it is. Skid loader, dozer, loader, digger, backhoe, trash truck, dump truck, box truck, etc.

GF and I were driving one day, we pass a parked dump truck in a field. Back seat was quiet then all of the sudden "I LOVE DUMP TRUCKS!!!1"

He's also 2.
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Yawp. My kid as well. Also planes. I tell him to look up at the plane, that's not a plane, that's a JET! Oh, my bad.

Threw him for a whirl when a sea plane was turning in on the water over the weekend. Just floating by. Didn't know what to make of it. :laughing:
 
Harry Johnson said:
Then there's the conversation that made the wife and I realize it was time to stop cussing in front of the kid:

He's 3 at the time. Just hiked back up to the truck from the beach. Wife took our youngest for a walk to try and put him to sleep. I'm changing out of my wetsuit next to the front passenger door. The door is open and he's sitting on the seat waiting for me. Cue a tiny spider coming down from the door sill on a web.

"Uh oh, a little spider. I'll get it when I get out of this wetsuit"
visibly scared 3 year old "DAD! Kill the fuckin spider with your wetsuit!"
I freeze and look up at him
"What did you say?"
looking even more agitated
"I SAID KILL THE FUCKIN SPIDER WITH YOUR FUCKIN WETSUIT!"
"Oooh Kay! That's what I thought you said. I will kill the spider, but afterwards we're going to talk about how all of us, including mom, aren't going to use that word anymore."

Upside is he never used it in front of us again after the talk. He knows it's a bad word and it's not respectful. I have caught him trying it on under his breath a time or two in his room when he didn't think anyone was around, but I let those go.
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that's awesome:laughing:

My oldest was maybe a year old, I was working swing shift, usually 10to 12hr nights, her mom was taking classes in the morning, so 3 days a week I'm on the couch at 8am with 1 eye open trying to keep this child alive:eek:

I didn't put off changing her diaper, that's my kid, handle it. But I'd go to open it, F'N exhausted at the end of my rope,
"Please be pee""Please be pee""Please be pee"

It never was, but I couldn't drop an f bomb, so I'd say oh no poops! dammit dammit dammit in a silly voice

One day I walk in, her mom tells me she said a new word, I'm all proud, tell me more! She tells me she changed her diaper

"Oh no, poops!"

And got back.....


Dammit dammit dammit:laughing:
 
Apparently my kid is slow, hes not that articulate yet. He just turned 2.
 
cute kid. but keep her healthy bro. less chips and cookies as shit. its tough growing up overweight, and makes life more difficult.
 
When all three of my kids were really little, the two older ones convinced the little one that there were other siblings that she had never met. Each of these imaginary siblings had a name and a backstory. One was off in college and never came home, another one was killed by agent Orange in Vietnam (agent Orange worked for the CIA), and so on.

When we eventually found out about it I was very impressed by the teamwork the two older ones showed in creating a narrative, sticking to it, and making sure no one knew.
 
Stuck said:
Apparently my kid is slow, hes not that articulate yet. He just turned 2.
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Funny story

I have a buddy who is extremely intelligent. Fabricator, engines, ect.

Apparently he made it all the way to kindergarten without really talking. He also had a large head for his size, and it was the 90s, so obviously all those things equals special needs class :laughing:

He said he spent 1 day in that class and still remembers feeling "fuck this" and decided to start talking :lmao:

But yes, kids develop differently. Just talk/sing/read to him a lot, even if he's not responding, it's really good for them.
 
Stuck said:
Apparently my kid is slow, hes not that articulate yet. He just turned 2.
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Don't sweat it. That's way too young to see what'll turn out.

At 3, he'll be watching more than you know. At 4, you'll wonder how that little fucker sees EVERYTHING.

:smokin:
 
One of my favs from our kid (he's 20 now).

Mom ingrained in him to let us know when he had to go pee or poop (toilet training year). He took it upon himself to comply to the letter of Mom's law: whenever he had to pee or poop, doesn't matter where or what he was doing, he'd stand up and at the top of his lungs yell out "I gotta PEE!" or "I gotta POOP!"

:laughing:

Thing is he also would announce when he farted, but knew it wasn't pee/poop, so it was more of a novelty. "HEY! I FARTED" no matter where we were.

This happened a few times in stores to Mom's embarrassment , so Mom/Me instructed him to just let us know "quietly". He understood.

We're in line at the grocery checkout not long after, clerk is processing the items, he yanks at Mom's sleeve and says loudly: "Hey Mom, SMELL"

The 3 people behind us laughed their fucking asses off.
 
Stuck said:
Apparently my kid is slow, hes not that articulate yet. He just turned 2.
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This was a sarcastic response to certain posts that make their 2 and unders sound like english professors. Im not the least bit concerned that my child may be slow. He knows the basic colors and can count to five and identify how many of something up to five. He sometimes pops out with a clear sentence. When he wants to. Honestly I just think he doesnt want to talk that much.
 
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