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Do you have friends that will help?

xr-nut said:
I'm the same way, i miss my boys since they flew the nest. My wife read somewhere that people who are like us are that way because of a child hood trauma. Someone in our past showed us we couldn't rely on anyone. Been fun trying to get here to forget about it the last couple weeks! :laughing:
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I don't know that I would call it "trauma" but I was an only child and both my parents worked, spent a ton of time of time by myself once I was old enough to stay home on my own. I'd have to wait all day to get something done if I needed help with it back then, so you find a way to get it done. Probably why I still prefer doing things alone.
 
I’ve got it like the op does. Lots of family and friends and we all do stuff together all the time. If someone needs help we all get involved. Every holiday we have 30 to 35 people together to celebrate. It works because every body will drop stuff to go help someone else.
 
I have one main friend who will give me a hand with stuff I can’t do (usually electrical as he’s an electrician). I help him with painting, installing doors and windows, anything he needs help with.

There are friends that would help, and offer all the time, but they’re more for lending a hand to lift and be told what to do. Me and my buddy know what’s what for the most part and do as much as we can by ourselves.

My dad is also always willing to help, but at his age I try not to ask for extremely difficult things to do. Last was helping lift the front diff into the Tahoe. He got me back the next week, by asking for help doing the lower control arms on his 12’ Escape. :laughing:
 
xr-nut said:
Someone in our past showed us we couldn't rely on anyone.
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Makes sense,

My biggest issue is I don't like dealing with other people's bullshit. I found it always seems to take longer than if I just did it myself. Besides that I'm pretty particular how I want to do things and I plan in my head so distractions are a PITA.
 
I have 50 buddies, and 7-8 friends

10 years ago I was scrapping 30 tons a month, and giving shit away left and right, buddies were building something and wanted a specific core engine, tranny, diff, a pair of tires, a set of wheels. My mindset was I wasn't going to sell something to a friend for $50 when I could just do it for a favor. At one point I was way way out on favors, not keeping track, but did ask myself if I'm being taken advantage of, if these people would have my back if I called. A year later I was flat broke dick in the dirt, and my friends came through huge, house keys, tools, specialized labor, whatever. I had to drive 50 miles to buy a pos to flip to keep afloat, my truck, trailer and winch were run ragged, expired tags, deferred maintenance, just behind the 8 ball. Called my best friend, told him to keep his phone on in case I got jammed up, he told me the dually keys were on the hook in the kitchen, and the trailer was already hitched up, winch controller in the toolbox. Doing my pre trip, I realised I'd given him the dually rear end, the 4 trailer wheels, and I'd welded the winch mount after dinner one night. :laughing:
This wasn't the only friend who came through and I got back on my feet pretty F'N quick.
2 years later he gives me the "leaving town, keep your phone on call" and I figure out he's gotta drive 300 miles, load a moving truck and haul a dead pickup and 3 motorcycles home, and his truck is using coolant, and it's gotta happen tonight. I just landed from spending a week camping in Montana, beat to shit, doesn't matter, I snoozed while he drove my truck and trailer the first leg

I'm a firm believer in helping decent people.
3 days ago my old retired buddy sent me pics of a yard art tractor he bought. He has a truck, trailer and winch, but mines setup better, so at 730 on a Saturday morning, I was loading his tractor on my trailer. But he's done so many favors for me, I don't wait for him to ask, I just invite myself to help
 
Blacksheep10 said:
Junkie, our situations sound very similar.
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Hopefully that's in a good way:beer:

There's a handful of rules I live by, the best way to be successful is to surround yourself with successful people, the best way to do that is to help the people around you be successful, I do very little for "the poor" I find helping a middle class or working class man hold his shit together in a rough patch is a far better use of resources
 
I basically don't have friends.

And now that my older son has his lic and car, he's pretty much unavailable.


On one hand it sucks, but on the other it forces me to work on my own shit more.

It gets me out of my mechanic comfort zone and helps me to earn my mancard; mechanically.
 
I help when I can, they help when they can. Most of us are engineers or in construction trades. It all works out.
 
Had a good group of friends growing up. Dated one for a bit, wasn't long before she wanted to settle down. At 18 I was having none of that and broke it off. That was the end of me being included in anything with the group. Moved away and did the bachelor thing until I was 20. Met my now wife who had a similar story. We share a small circle of friends but not people we see regularly. Neither of us like gatherings or group activities. We live an hour from our families, they are great people but just as busy as we are.

It's pretty crazy what we have been through and accomplished with very little support.
 
I have friends that would help me work on vehicles, but to be honest I like doing things by myself. My neighbor has helped me a few times when something needs a few more hands.

I get pretty good with clamps and making fixtures for things that usually require 2 people.

I help out my friends on their vehicles all the time. I do welding and cutting for my neighbor's project vehicles.
 
What are these "friends" everyone speaks of? The few I acquaintances I have, I will gladly help with whatever whenever, I'm lucky if I get a response if I try to contact them. Forget asking them for help. I try not to ask for help unless I absolutely cant avoid it. The only family I have to help is my dad and that's a joke. At almost 69 hed gladly go back to working 12's in a factory, ask him if he wants to help with stuff in my yard where he hunts, cant, busy. Cant even get him to mow on the tractor, which he enjoys. Projects around the house, cant, busy. I'm out busting my hump so I dont have to hear complaints about xyz in the woods when hes hunting, and I get pictures of him out fishing farther from his house than I am.

i reached the "everyone that isnt me can get fucked" point years ago
 
I know at least a half dozen people who would show up and help with anything from evidence disposal to moving shit at the drop of the hat. I won’t ask for help though, then they find out that I did the job alone and yell at me for not calling them. Any time I find out they need help I’m there tools in hand whether they ask me or not.
 
i friend of mine once told me "if you have 5 friends that will show when you need them", your a lucky man. I consider myself blessed in that category.
 
I have friends who would be here in a minute if I asked. I rarely ask, but they're here if I do. I've also swung by a buddies house with tools to build a handicapped ramp for his terminal MIL who had to move in with them. 1 day and we had it done. The same guy drove to another state and back to help me move a safe and wouldn't accept gas money.
 
Squamch said:
Reading the things you didn't realize thread, and seeing people bitching about not having friends who will help them out.
That idea is foreign to me. Every one of my male friends is a tradesman. Electricians, plumbers, glaziers, carpenters, mechanics, welders, even the truck drivers can do some good work in other arenas. Most of the females or wives will get in there and bust ass when someone needs a roof or new windows, or a deck built, or what have you. We have a chef too who will come out and keep everyone fed.

Is this unusual? Most of these guys I've known for 25-30 years. A lot of us have kids. Everyone is auntie or uncle so and so. The kids listen to every adult when work is going on and mostly stay kinda out of the way.

Its tough to get someone on an hour's notice but if you need something done next weekend, make some calls and half a dozen pickups will be in your driveway at 8am.
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Not everyone lives where their real good friends are anymore but theyre still close enough to help dispose of, things.
 
I don't have friends. And, I don't like asking for help. And, I like figuring out how to do things myself.

This is a social change, though, and not just me. Community is gone, and I'm not just being a crotchety old man. I remember my dad and all my uncles roofing our house and moving us. We did the same for them. Friends too.

By the time my dad passed away, he wouldn't accept help from anyone. I've observed this across the board, and I wonder how much of it was choice, and how much of it was a result of social change, and how much of it was deliberate social engineering.
 
Russell said:
I used to have a circle of friends like that. Now I can't even get a guy to come over for a free meal, forget helping me with something. Moving in your mid 30s is the worst. Ripping up all those roots sucked. Most folks my age have their established social circles and don't have time for someone new.

Oh well. They were good times while they lasted.
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I dont think any other statement can compare with what I've been dealing with recently.

I've gone and hand trenched sprinklers, patched holes in walls, dropped almost an 1/8 mile of commercial irrigation in, laid sod, driven 5 hours out of town to pick up a broken rig (by myself), let people come clog my driveway up with livestock trailers and burn up my wire and gas, and the list goes on.
Yet if I were to send an invite out for a bbq and free beer, None of them would text me back, if they did, it would be a bunch of excuses why they cant come by.

Done doing things for other people, I get nothing in return with the exception of being badmouthed. :mad3:
 
evernoob said:
I don't have friends. And, I don't like asking for help. And, I like figuring out how to do things myself.

This is a social change, though, and not just me. Community is gone, and I'm not just being a crotchety old man. I remember my dad and all my uncles roofing our house and moving us. We did the same for them. Friends too.

By the time my dad passed away, he wouldn't accept help from anyone. I've observed this across the board, and I wonder how much of it was choice, and how much of it was a result of social change, and how much of it was deliberate social engineering.
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Not everywhere is like that. Every time someone moves, like my parents this summer we had more help than we knew what to do with. Enclosed trailers everywhere, flat bed trucks and people everywhere. There were people that I didn't even fucking know but we're friends of friends that knew the old people needed help. I suppose it makes a difference being in a small town for 45 years and everyone knowing the family is rock solid and will return the favor though.
 
DWT said:
Not everywhere is like that. Every time someone moves, like my parents this summer we had more help than we knew what to do with. Enclosed trailers everywhere, flat bed trucks and people everywhere. There were people that I didn't even fucking know but we're friends of friends that knew the old people needed help. I suppose it makes a difference being in a small town for 45 years and everyone knowing the family is rock solid and will return the favor though.
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Well it's not all that way here. My sister is part of a huge group of friends that do shit like that.

There's just a lot less of it, a lot less.
 
Like most here I do as much as I am able to by myself.
Some things I am not sure about (read cannot/won’t do) I pay for their services. I do try to keep that to a minimum, as most of the time services rendered didn’t produce expected results.

We are in the midst of a house remodel (upstairs floor), my father in law and myself are doing most all of it, his friend dropped by to help out with the plumbing. My father in law lost his left leg last year, his recovery and balls out attitude is something to aspire to.

As for true friends I have one that lives in Texas, local to me I know a lot of people - none that I would say I can rely on them.
I am also that guy that will jump in and help out without asking for repayment, that being said I am a lot more selective about who I help out nowadays.
 
not2hye said:
I dont think any other statement can compare with what I've been dealing with recently.

I've gone and hand trenched sprinklers, patched holes in walls, dropped almost an 1/8 mile of commercial irrigation in, laid sod, driven 5 hours out of town to pick up a broken rig (by myself), let people come clog my driveway up with livestock trailers and burn up my wire and gas, and the list goes on.
Yet if I were to send an invite out for a bbq and free beer, None of them would text me back, if they did, it would be a bunch of excuses why they cant come by.

Done doing things for other people, I get nothing in return with the exception of being badmouthed. :mad3:
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I'm right there with ya. I've learned to live with it.
 
I'm at the point in life where if I move I pay movers and if I'm doing a project that I can't figure out I pay. My friends are mostly non technical and back in illinois. My last good friend who we helped each other out with stuff a lot and was my best man in my wedding, doesn't talk to me anymore because I didn't use his wife as my realtor when I moved out of state. Cock... One of my goals here is to expand my friend base now that I'm kind of starting over in a new state.
 
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