Addressing the physical does help the mental, it helps clear my head, reduces my want for a drink, and helps ease the chronic pain. Unfortunately, clearing my head and easing the pain starts to leave room for the demons I have worked to keep buried for the last 20 years to take hold. Even at my worst, I can still function at my job without issue, can put on a smile at home with the family, and while people mostly think I am just fine, that is very far from reality. My wife could always pick up that something wasn't quite right, but since I had no clue how to even begin to communicate what was screaming through my head, I just blamed stress at work and put my smile back on, because then nobody asks more questions. I'm tired of the cycle and have taken it upon myself to seek out some real help.
It would have been a lot easier to post this if there weren't people who actually know me outside of this board, I've been revisiting this draft for probably 6 hours now. Fuck it.