Jokes

[Will Scarlet]

Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.

 

[bad zuki]

why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.



Where do you get all these dad jokes from?

I store them up in my dad-a-bank

 

[trampas]

What's the difference between your wife and your job

After a few years, your job still sucks

 

[Will Scarlet]

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

 

[Fo'OnDaFlo']

So a little kid is sitting on a park bench with a bag full of candy.... A older man sees this kid chomping down on candy by the handful and intervenes for the childs sake.
"Young man, eating all that candy is horrible for you... you really shouldn't do that!" The child looks up with disgust, wipes the sugar coating from his lips and responds... "My Grandpa ate candy EVERY day of his life. He lived through two Wars, fought in one and was married twice to mean women! He smoked, drank and whored around.... his diet was hot dogs and soda. He lived to be 94 years old!"
The smug man stared the child in the eyes and said "How could a man who lived so hap-hazardous possibly live that long?"
The child stared back with a scowl and simply muttered "He minded his own fucking business."

 

[det107]

How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? 💡

Who cares!?! They never get the house anyway-

 

[det107]

A policeman brought four boys before a judge. "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo'" he said. "Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."

"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen "

"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."

The judge looked at the officer and said, "What's the problem, officer?" The policeman then nudged the forth boy.

"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy-

 

[det107]

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their butts. The result was pretty interesting: 30% of women think their butt is too fat, 10% of women think their butt is too skinny. The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world-

 

[Will Scarlet]

A guy finds a genie who offers him one wish. Already rich and happy, he asks to always climax at the same time as his wife.

A few weeks later, he’s back rubbing the lamp.

“Genie, I need to undo that wish.”

The genie asks, “Why? Did something go wrong?”

“No, it works fine. But picture this: I’m at the bar with my buddies, playing cards, having a beer... then boom—orgasm.”