I just had a pre paid return package (warranty product) that I had to schedule through FedEx. Scheduling it took over 45 minutes with a woman who barely spoke English on a phone that must have had a static generator installed. Continuing the process using the tracking number already on the return label isn't good enough for FedEx, so they need to give you a pickup number. Fine, only this woman could not stumble through pronouncing the maybe 9 letters and numbers. I asked her to repeat the number at least five times and after writing down the three I could actually hear through the static I realized they were all different. Fuck this, send it. I don't care anymore.
Now the package pick up time has come and gone. I wait another 6 hours and still no FedEx driver. And of course it starts raining. Hard. I go out and retrieve the package. It took nearly two hours to finally get through to FedEx and, thank God, the dude speaks English very well (but is clearly not in the USA). I explain what happened only to be told that they have no record of my scheduled pickup, no record of my address, and now there is no record of the tracking number originally on the pre paid label. He only wants the newly issued pickup number. I gave him all 3 that I tried to record and explained that the woman I got it from wasn't the best at English and I eventually gave up because I reasoned the likelihood of ever needing the number was extremely small. Nope, once the label goes into the system and the pickup number is issued they can't look up anything by the old tracking number anymore. WTF. So now this dipshit literally REFUSES to move forward or offer a solution to the problem. He just sat there on the phone breathing into his microphone for several minutes at a time until I told him that I am indeed the prick he thinks I am and I have all fucking day to sit on the phone so he'd better come up with some options.
We finally arrive at a new scheduled time to have one of their highly trained drivers (meth addict in a rental Penske truck with a magnetic 12x12" FedEx sign stuck on the door usually) after entering all my information into their system again. He issues me a new pickup number which I forced him to repeat over and over again now that I've been informed of it's immense importance and value. I let him know exactly how shitty I think his company is and how from the moment I learned that Navien Water Heaters uses them for warranty I was afraid of dealing with this exact level of bullshit. I told him if this is how even the most basic of transactions typically goes I couldn't fathom how they ever make a single fucking dollar. He was very much done listening to me rant and I didn't want to hear him anymore so we ended that abortion of a phone call.
Now here is the most awesome part of this retarded transaction, and I'm not even fudging the truth a bit. After hanging up on the guy who did the reschedule I went upstairs and jumped in the shower. While upstairs one of my kids starts yelling for me. The FedEx pickup guy is standing in my driveway looking for the package he was supposed to pick up 10 hours ago and wants to know why it isn't where I said it would be according to his notes. The very same package that wasn't "entered in the system" correctly and "they had no record of". Isn't that the strangest thing? So I had my kid get the box and give it to the FedEx guy. Good riddance.
And what almost tops it is that several days later, on the rescheduled pickup date, a very nice young man from FedEx arrived to take the package that was scanned into the system 3 days prior. He seemed amused by it so I briefly explained all that had transpired. He told me that it happens all the time and that he hates working for them because they have zero organization and everything seems to be outsourced to foreign companies that screw everything up. Fuck FedEx indeed.
Clif's notes: FedEx sucks real bad and should never be used. By anyone. Ever. You have been warned.
I wanted to say WTF? You had to check on that and is there really a kid signature that is accepted? :rolleyes:
