Dickhead things to say to telemarketers

[bigun]

If I don't recognize the number, I don't answer.

This

 

[ArTi54N]

I have lots of fun.. and sometimes its not a telemarketer.. I have really upset some people by answering the phone like this:

City abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us

City Morgue, you stab em, we slab em

I have half a dozen, but ya'll get the point..

 

[bigun]

I have lots of fun.. and sometimes its not a telemarketer.. I have really upset some people by answering the phone like this:

City abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us

City Morgue, you stab em, we slab em

I have half a dozen, but ya'll get the point..

Back when it was kids calling I used to answer in my best gravely gangster voice "Da boss don't like the meetens being interupted he'd like to send a few of da boys over to speak wit whosever responciable"

 

[Brad]

Usually ignore the call. Phone shows up with potential spam. I was in a mood yesterday and one called. Decided to waste some of their time.

Spam caller giving free auto insurance quote.
Him: how many cars do you have?
Me:15
Him: could you repeat that
Me:FIFTEEN
Him:15?
Me:yes
Him:well fuckyou sir mother fucker
Click😄 didn't even get to tell him how much money he could save me for hookers and blow😣

 

[Brad]

I usually answer ,while lightly covering the mouthpiece "Goddammit,George,I told you to cut the head off,and the rest of the bitch will fit in the box"
Then
"Hello?"
I've only had one that wanted to continue the conversation

Another I’ve heard is answer with “there’s blood everywhere, but it’s done. What should I do now?

 

[White Shark]

My FIL is a hilarious guy and used to own a house that backed up to a cemetery that was owned by a local Funeral Home. When their shared fence blew over in a storm, he called them and said he'd split the cost with them to replace the fence 50/50 and they told him to pound sand. He went ahead and payed to fix the fence himself because they didn't care.

The same Funeral Home called years later trying to sell him a burial plot.

He said, "Well, I don't need a burial plot."

"Oh, you're getting cremated?"

"No, I'm one of the Believers and we don't die, we live forever..."

The lady was kinda shocked but kept going on with her sales pitch. He kept her on the phone for 5-10 minutes extolling the virtues of being a "Believer" and would she like to join too? After all, living forever would be awesome, right?

He finally couldn't stop laughing at the frustrated lady and said, "Look, our property backs up against the cemetery you guys own and when the fence blew over a few years ago, you guys wouldn't cover your half of the expense. As a result, you owe us for the cost of half of that fence, so my wife and I have decided that whichever one of us dies first, the other one will just chuck the body over the fence and then we'll call it even."

She started flipping out and going nuts saying that was illegal and immoral and they wouldn't take care of the body.

He said, "Well, possession is 9/10 of the law and we certainly won't be taking the body back. If you throw it back over, we'll just chuck it back. Eventually you'll just get tired and bury it, so then we'll be even..."

She went and got her boss and he repeated it back to the boss and got him all wound up and eventually told them he wasn't ever going to buy a plot from them, but they still owed him.


__

 

[ProjectTwin]

"I'm finding this difficult to masturbate to. Not impossible, just difficult."

 

[92 Green YJ]

I had one a few months ago I was pretty proud of. Was on a fairly lengthy drive at the time so I decided to have some fun. It was a chick on the other end of the line. I to,d her she sounded hot. Started her pitch again. I asked her what she was wearing. She kept going with her pitch. I asked her if she takes it up the ass and she hung up on me.

 

[What?]

Hearing people problem. My phone call is turned off(by phone carrier) Only unlimited data and text messaging.


Though, I'd answer once and leave it on until they hang up.

 

[CDA 455 II]

*heavy breathing*
"What are you wearing?"

Normally, I don't answer numbers I don't recognize

Yup.


And yup.

 

[M92PV4U]

I'll bet your mother is super proud.

 

[DozerDan82]

The extended car warranty ones are annoying as fuck. I press to talk to someone, they ask what car I have- I ask well you tell me, as you called about it-- they hang up. The other day I told them 'my' car and let them sell it. Went on for a bit, went through my options, and then hung up. I will repeat that from now on. If they are going to waste my time I will waste theirs. I was at work answering emails, so not like I didn't have a few minutes to be on the phone while typing.

 

[Chucko McFasty]

I usually interrupt them at the very beginning of the call. And ask them to grab a pen and take down my credit card number.

 

[Arps]

Had a nice lady call me yesterday about my car warranty. I asked which warranty expired, I had 4 cars. She hung up on me. I'm starting to think she didn't want to help me at all.

 

[ExWrench]

I have lots of fun.. and sometimes its not a telemarketer.. I have really upset some people by answering the phone like this:

City abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us

City Morgue, you stab em, we slab em

I have half a dozen, but ya'll get the point..

You reminded me of something -

Before cell phones but after caller ID, I'd answer unknown numbers with, "Burt's House of Lawn Furniture & Cheese; Milt speaking"