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Dickhead things to say to telemarketers

larboc

Limestone cowboy
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
237
Messages
798
Loc
Da yoop
I've given up on pressing a key to be removed from the car warranty telemarketer calls. I figure hassling a real person will cost them more money than just hanging up. So far I've come up with:
Where has your life gone wrong that you're calling people like this?
This is Mr. Anderson of Union Carbide, this is the 3rd time you've called me.
How disappointed do your parents speak of you when you leave the room during holiday family gatherings?
 

F2504x4

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
372
Messages
252
Hello this is Sargent Yukum of the Fraud Detective division , How may i help you ? Your name and current phone number please , Please keep in mind that this call is being record and that you are part of a active ongoing investigation , Your full name and current address. please be mindful that any and all information can and will be used against you during your trial .

Generally I get hung up on but I have had some fall for it and start to give there information , sometimes I end up with a supervisor . Can be fun when I want to just waste their time..
 

flecker

Rad Skull Member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
414
Messages
2,048
Loc
White Mountains, AZ
Hello this is Sargent Yukum of the Fraud Detective division , How may i help you ? Your name and current phone number please , Please keep in mind that this call is being record and that you are part of a active ongoing investigation , Your full name and current address. please be mindful that any and all information can and will be used against you during your trial .

Generally I get hung up on but I have had some fall for it and start to give there information , sometimes I end up with a supervisor . Can be fun when I want to just waste their time..

Somewhere theres a recording of a guy who did this on a radio station... funny stuff. :laughing:
 

planefixer

Global Warmer
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
41
Messages
1,422
Loc
Colorado Springs
The car warranty fuckheads have been calling me almost every day for at least 7 months despite telling them several times to remove me from their call list. :mad3: The shitbags use spoofed cell numbers so you cant call them back. If I do answer when they call I usually lead off with " You're a piece of shit, low-life scammer. I know where you are " and they usually hang up before I can say anything else. Next time they call I'm thinking about letting them go trough their whole sales pitch then give them a bunch of made up info just to waste their time.
 

Roc Doc

#580 Really terrific #
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
580
Messages
2,073
Loc
Desert Hills AZ
I just set the phone down and go about my business. If another call comes in I hang up on them.
 

larboc

Limestone cowboy
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
237
Messages
798
Loc
Da yoop
I just set the phone down and go about my business. If another call comes in I hang up on them.

I've said, "hold on, let me look up what the year of it is" then I just set the phone down. I think this is probably the most effective way to cost them money.
 

dnsfailure

WHAT GEAR ARE YOU IN?
CAL4
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
198
Messages
1,082
Loc
Gilroy
I never get a live person, it's always a recording. But lately my phone has been catching most of them, so I don't get them much anymore. Finally.
 

Bigwoolyd

Member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Member Number
852
Messages
7
You just think the car warranty and student loan call are bad. Wait till you turn 64 and start getting the Medicare supplement calls. 5 calls per day and 2 letters per day.
 

booger

Bad
Joined
May 22, 2020
Member Number
1158
Messages
413
I have about 400 blocked phone numbers because of the car warranty people. All calls without recognized phone numbers go to VM, if they leave a message I either call them back or block them. Anyone that doesn't leave a message gets blocked. Been my protocol for a couple years now, keeps the calls down to 1 or 2 a day at most. There for awhile I was getting 10 calls a day.
 

GonPostal

Knucklehead
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
289
Messages
193
I normally just answer/hang up quickly unless I recognize the phone number.

Sometimes if I feel ornery, I will answer in Spanish to throw them off. Once a dude says "hold on, I'll get someone who speaks Spanish". When that guy came on, I began speaking French to him.....WTF?......click....dial tone.....I guess he didn't speak French either.
 

ExWrench

Random Dude
CAL4
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
29
Messages
2,250
Loc
East Bay, CA
"No. Thanks. Take me off your list. Thanks." <click> (block number) - done in <10 seconds.



EDIT: either that, or keep asking questions & keep 'em on the line as long as possible - hurt their productivity, not their feelers.
 
Last edited:

dentedsub

Haberdasher
Joined
Jun 2, 2020
Member Number
1767
Messages
151
Loc
Close but no cigar
I go through spurts where I get the insurance calls everyday for a couple months then it suddenly ends. I use to tell them I want insurance on my 79 chev and when they tell me they can't I start to lay into them to leave me alone. But the last few times I barely got 197 out before they hang up. I think next time I'll say I have a 2015 F450 with the King ranch package or some other stupid expensive car and lead them down that road as long as I can. Maybe set the phone down for 5 minutes everytime they need information.
 

landscraper

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
74
Messages
181
I've got a # on the company web site that links to my cell, so I get a lot of sales calls related to my industry. Tools, saw blades, web marketing, payroll... If I don't just hang up and block them, I'll give them one or two word answers to every question. It doesn't take long before they start getting confused and frustrated. Their sales training depends on predicted objections to their pitch. When they get "no" as an answer to one of their "yes" questions, there's always a pause before a follow up. Usually it's "Why not?" "Just don't want to." Then back to another "yes" question... "No." You can sense the frustration in the ones that are usually pretty good at overcoming objections when they're not getting an answer they know how to respond to.
 

ChiScouter

Red Skull Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2020
Member Number
1753
Messages
364
I like setting the phone down and pick it up and say a couple of unrelated things to them and let them speak for another 5 minutes until they hang up. If I feel talkative I just start telling them some crazy story about most anything to get them off their message. They will try to butt in and get the call back on track and I will just go off on another tangent until they hang up. Telling them about made up sex stories, health issues, relationship stories are favorites. They also love it when you tell them your car is a wreck and go on and on about its problems and ask if you buy the warranty if they will pay to fix all the issues. During down time at work I have kept them on the phone for 45 minutes with the rest of the crew rolling on the floor laughing at my stories.
 

Stingray

Parts Breaker
CAL4
1
1
1
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
235
Messages
814
Loc
So. Cal.
On my phone its Car warranties, Marriott travel, and Chinese DHL calls,
Chinese calls get blocked right away, the other two prompt a reply, If I have time i mess with the travel site saying I can't leave the country due to legal issues, I'm not allowed to fly can I take a bus. I'm on house arrest, but it covers my state, what travel do you have in my state. dumb crap like that. they are so desperate to hustle something its amazing what they will try and do.
 

HYDRODYNAMIC

Rock Stacker
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
545
Messages
755
Loc
Lost in the forest
Warranty = car just got totaled
Life insurance = family member just died or doctors gave me 2 months to live
Solar = house just burned down
Lenders = I just won the lottery
Or no matter who calls ask why they haven't delivered the pizza yet and will it be free
 

Huntmaster

Boob Inspector
Joined
May 24, 2020
Member Number
1333
Messages
178
Loc
Middle of nowhere
Some lady called wanting to sell me something. I tried selling her precast concrete. Didn't make a sale, but it was entertaining.

They called to extend the warranty on my vehicle. They hung up on me when they found out it was a 1967 F100.
 

KarlVP

Not Sure
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
381
Messages
1,324
Loc
Crusty's Brewing, Wa
I get calls all the time to refi my house. I tell them my current rate is 0.25% APR. If they can beat that I will be happy to talk to them.
 

woods

Yawp.
Joined
May 22, 2020
Member Number
1120
Messages
4,943
If I don't recognize the number, I don't answer.

Dad's phone rings every five minutes. No joke, he can't go 5m without his phone going off. :homer:
 

brd

OAITW
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
27
Messages
300
Loc
I Don't Know
I usually answer ,while lightly covering the mouthpiece "Goddammit,George,I told you to cut the head off,and the rest of the bitch will fit in the box"
Then
"Hello?"
I've only had one that wanted to continue the conversation
 

junkytj

Sarcastic Asshole
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
504
Messages
389
Loc
NW AR
Back when credit card companies used to call, my favorite was to pretend I was in prison and ask how long I could go without paying before they shut it off and how much they thought I could qualify for and demand tell them about the previous card that I had for 3 months before they shut it off and how I was so glad they had called because I needed to order more sex toys as my cell mate took my previous pocket pussy and wouldn't give it back unless I blew him. I had all sorts of shit made up and just like that credit card companies quit calling.
 

bigun

Red Skull Member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Member Number
141
Messages
3,152
Loc
Mountainair, NM
Oh I am so glad you called I have been sitting here feeling so lonely, My (Add wife, or husband) died after x number of years and our kids just don't call being so busy with their lives, and then out of the blue when I was feeling so down and wondering about joining my spouse you called......:stirthepot:
 
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