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clodhopper

clodhopper

Get off my lawn, punk!
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
564
Messages
868
Loc
Out on the plains, Colorado
It is normal to stand in the bathroom at an airport or concert waiting for a urinal or stall to become available. However, doing the same thing at the office is deemed creepy.
 
You're typically much further away in the first two scenarios and not waiting with that many people means you'll probably never get a spot.

Neither of those apply to most offices.
 
I have stage fright, so when people wait behind me I might as well be attached to some vice grips :laughing:.

Normally I head right to the stalls to avoid it.
 
The office I work out of is 4 floors and seats 150-ish per floor. There is one restroom per floor and each men's room has 1 urinal and 4 stalls. Back in the day when people actually worked out of the office there was almost always a line. Apparently a lot of people prefer waiting in line for a urinal over pissing in a stall.
 
clodhopper said:
It is normal to stand in the bathroom at an airport or concert waiting for a urinal or stall to become available. However, doing the same thing at the office is deemed creepy.
Click to expand...
What sort of relationship do you have with your coworkers that they're uncomfortable being in the restroom with you?
 
RusM said:
The know about your gorilla suit, Viagra and **** ring plans for the collapse of society and are concerned you're going to try getting weird early.....:flipoff2:
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I think they aren't concerned because any of us will wait for the urinal. As far as I know nobody has been raped in our restroom.

Maybe you 'Mericans eat too much freedombird and have developed a bad case of queermophobia. :flipoff2:
 
I'd usually get yelled at if I was on the ****ter and someone walked in after me. Apparently I'm the only one that doesn't poop roses and Downey fabric softener.

For a while we had some Citrus air freshener. It was coined as the ****rus spray. It was worse than just the **** smell.
 
AKnate said:
I'd usually get yelled at if I was on the ****ter and someone walked in after me. Apparently I'm the only one that doesn't poop roses and Downey fabric softener.

For a while we had some Citrus air freshener. It was coined as the ****rus spray. It was worse than just the **** smell.
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One of the guys in our back office has such a revolting stench when he rips one youd swear the very bowels of hell had opened. Its so bad youd swear someone literally **** in your mouth and nose. You would think the smell couldnt be any worse. Yet you would be wrong. The guy that sits beside him bought this lavender odor neutralizer. The combo was so bad every body including the olfactory offender had to leave the roon, one guy ended up barfing in a garbage can. It just turned into this sickly sweet florally gut churning rotten cloud of death.
 
Don't worry what others think, you're creepy, own it!


A few years ago at the local State Park I gave a woman who was hitchhiking a ride to town. The next day I escorted my wife to the toilet. She is handicapped so I waited outside about 10 feet from the door in case she needed help. I was off to the side trying to be invisible. The same woman that I gave the ride approached and immediately began yelling for the park host because a pervert was hanging out at the womans bathroom. I asked her if she remembered me and said if I was a pervert I would have acted when she was alone with me in my jeep. She never made the connection. My wife came out about the time the host showed up so we went to our camp laughing.
 
Stuck said:
One of the guys in our back office has such a revolting stench when he rips one youd swear the very bowels of hell had opened. Its so bad youd swear someone literally **** in your mouth and nose. You would think the smell couldnt be any worse. Yet you would be wrong. The guy that sits beside him bought this lavender odor neutralizer. The combo was so bad every body including the olfactory offender had to leave the roon, one guy ended up barfing in a garbage can. It just turned into this sickly sweet florally gut churning rotten cloud of death.
Click to expand...
:lmao::lmao:

One of the ****ters at the mill my Dad worked at was near the offices. Because the office people used it, it was kept pretty clean.

For some crazy reason, it had HOT water plumbed to the toilets. Not even warm, like damn near boiler feedwater hot.

Can imagine the smell of a **** soup cooking up.

Needless to say, they basically banned my Dad from using those ****ters :laughing: Apparently he had cooked a few up that had enough power to waft 50 ft down the hallways and clear most of the offices.

My brother worked there for a while as well. The supervisor that interviewed him asked if his farts smelled as bad as my Dad, cause he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it :lmao:

No idea what goes on in that man's gut but he could be on a bread and water only diet and still rip paint peelers. My Mom is fully convinced she can hardly smell anymore because of over 40 years of farts.
 
Was throwing down some fuel at the pumps on base one day (probably near 10 years ago now!) and my stomach twisted and sounded like a coffee pot. Oh no!
I put the handle up and waddle across the icy parking lot, praying my ass can clamp long enough.
Get in there and they only have 2 single ****ter rooms, one allegedly mens and one womens... like it even matters who uses whichever?
The "men's" is being used, so I grab the ****ter in the "women's" and lett'er rip tater chip :laughing:
Get done, and there's a dependa standing nearby waiting to use the bathroom. Full on textbook mad cow dependa with slippers and looked like just woken up even though it was at least lunch time. "my husband is SMSgt so and so"

She about screamed rape that I used the women's ****ter. "HOW DARE YOUUUUUUUU"

The manager comes over to see what the fuss is about and I tell her I was about to **** my pants, it was either using that bathroom or in the middle of the floor. I figured the bathroom was a much better choice, but who knows, I'm just a dumb Ammo troop. :laughing:

Manager basically told dependa to STFU and stop being dramatic over nothing.

I thought that was the end of it, but a few days later I get called to go see the 1st Shirt. Fawking dependa spun up a whole bull**** story about what transpired and called the shirt to complain! I ended getting a copy of the cameras at the gas station to show she was full of ****. Shirt called the husband's Shirt and commander and they made him, an E-8, personally apologize to me :usa:. I was either E4 or 5 at the time.
 
Scott Cee aka 2drx4 said:
What sort of relationship do you have with your coworkers that they're uncomfortable being in the restroom with you?
Click to expand...
Our CIO eats sleeps and breathes work. This dude can't even take a family camping trip without calling in or facetiming every few hours. If he catches you in the bathroom, he WILL try to talk to you about work stuff. Doesn't matter if you're wizzing at the urinal(I don't really mind that) or dropping one off in the stall (I do mind that). If I'm pooping and I hear him walk in(and I will definitely know it's him because he'll still be loudly talking about work to someone in the hallway on his way into the bathroom), I pick my feet up every time.

It got awkward one time when I heard him coming, and he starts harassing another coworker at the urinal while I'm in the stall, so I've got my feet up and I'm dead silent as that other coworker leaves. Our CIO, now thinking that he's got the bathroom to himself starts peeing at the urinal.. about 2 seconds into his stream hitting the porcelain, he lets loose with what I can only describe as a rage fart. That thing sounded like he put 110% effort into forcing that thing out like he was in a competition to see who could blow an o-ring the fastest, quickly followed up with the angriest and loudest "UUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNGGGGGHHHH!" I have ever heard.

At this point I'm sitting on the ****ter, getting a serious core workout trying to keep my feet from dropping below the stall walls, and now trying to hold in laughter so hard that there are tears streaming down my cheeks. I thought I was toast, but somehow I managed to keep it together long enough for him to finish up, wash his hands, and leave without ever knowing I was there.
 
Eric said:
The office I work out of is 4 floors and seats 150-ish per floor. There is one restroom per floor and each men's room has 1 urinal and 4 stalls. Back in the day when people actually worked out of the office there was almost always a line. Apparently a lot of people prefer waiting in line for a urinal over pissing in a stall.
Click to expand...
Honestly I usually wait for the urinal too. I prefer not to touch public (or work) toilet seats unless I have to🤮. Also **** those that just piss on the seat :flipoff:.
 
Deuce 40s said:
I have stage fright, so when people wait behind me I might as well be attached to some vice grips :laughing:.

Normally I head right to the stalls to avoid it.
Click to expand...
so you're the guy that pisses all over the seat?
 
Former janitor here. Women trying to squat is how the seats get covered in the first place. :flipoff2:
 
Scott Cee aka 2drx4 said:
What sort of relationship do you have with your coworkers that they're uncomfortable being in the restroom with you?
Click to expand...
I got called in to the main warehouse in Anchorage to fill out paperwork and do some training a couple days after I was hired early this spring. I'd been working 16+hr shifts every night for about 2 weeks straight doing snow removal and trucking snow off commerical lots (Walmart, Lowes, hospitals, etc). Wasn't bad work and the overtime pay was like $40/hr, so hell yeah I'll take the hours!
Anyway, I suck it up and decide I'll just work and go in the morning to do the training. It'll suck, but oh well.

Not sure if it was the lack of sleep, too many energy drinks, or what but toward the end of that shift I felt like complete ****. Was puking, could barely walk straight, sweats... was like I was having an overdose or something.

I took a nap in the car and headed over to the warehouse feeling better. Doing the meet and greet with the head honchos and I need to puke... like right fawking now.

I quickly asked where the ****ter was, cover my mouth as it's coming out :barf::barf:, run over there and there's someone in the only ****ter stall. Barf in the pisser. Try to clean myself up, have puke on my shirt, down my pants, on my boots. Granted it's just work clothes and not a suit and tie, so it sort of blended with the grease stains. Go back out to the meeting. They didn't think too much about it, until the guy that had been in the ****ter walks in and it was the company president. Asks if I was doing ok.

I wanted to crawl into a corner. :laughing:

Oh, later found out that ****ter is pretty much the head honchos aka management ****ter and the rest of us minions were supposed to use the main one in the warehouse.
So yeah, I barfed in the pisser in the executive bathroom :laughing:
 
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clodhopper said:
Grandpa always told me "if you are going to do something, take the time to do it right".

Well done AKnate. :beer:
Click to expand...
Got to set the bar low so they don't expect too much.

"He showed up to work on time and fully dressed, daaaamnnnn!" :lmao:
 
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