Silly woman

Well for the short time my cousin worked with me I sent him after the board stretcher he looked for it about 10 minutes. Just long enough for me to finish what I was doing without him annoying me.
 
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:blackflipoff!:
 
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When I was 18 I started a new job at a door manufacturer. First day we came up short cutting a stack of hollow cores. My boss sent me looking for the "door stretcher". I went to every part of that factory asking everyone for it. Once I realized wtf was up I sure felt like a dumbass. :homer:
 
NOODLES said:
A joiner will work. You will need biscuits and wood glue. :flipoff2:
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False. A Joiner might be coaxed into using a jointer by a liberal offering of biscuits and gravy under some scrambled eggs. And beer.

And prolly some whisky too.

But, later on in the day when you say something else silly.
 
My buddy was a NPS lifeguard at the beach for over 15 years...they got plenty of new fools to go looking for 50 feet of shoreline to tie the buoys up with :laughing:
 
Best EVER for me was getting 2 temp workers to pick up all of the nails in between the railroad track so the train doesn't get a flat then sweep the track off so the dust doesn't build up and derail the train cars

Boss came out for a smoke, says wtf are they doing? I told him, he laughed, shook his head and finished his smoke.

Good times :laughing::laughing::laughing:
 
I was maybe in 8th grade. The guy I was working for asked me to grab him a set of dikes from the toolbox. To that point, I had only heard them called side cutters. After a few minutes of looking in the toolbox, and with confusion on my face he asked me again to grab him the dikes. He asked if I knew what they were, to which I replied “lesbians”? Didn’t think he was ever going to stop laughing.
 
In auto tech we always had the freshmen looking for the pipe extender.
 
The turbine air sample went down on second that’s one I’ll never forget our lead mech had new ramper stand behind a falcon 20 with a trash bad as it taxied out filled the bag with exh air and then run it up to Mx control office best part the controller on shift took the bag said thanks I’ll give it to records and taped it up straight faced he wasn’t even in on it.

edit for you non airplane guys a falcon 20 is a small airplane it was totally safe
 
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Best one I ever heard was from a guy who used to work at a body shop. Sent the new guy from guy to guy looking for fallopian tubes :laughing: the last guy then sent him into the office to ask the bosses wife to order more :lmao:
 
One place I worked would send new people to the stock room to either get a large box stretcher or a 12" raping tool.
 
Working at an oil and gas facility, one of the pipefitters sent their apprentice to go find the sky hook at the tool crib. Tool crib attendant didn't even blink and eye and sent him up to the main warehouse. The main warehouse sent him to the auto shop warehouse. The autoshop warehouse sent him to the crane shop. The crane shop rode that kid back up to the job site in a 150 ton mobile crane and asked where to set the sky hook up :laughing: The pipefitters stood there wide eyed and didn't even know what to say or do :lmao:
 
I had a boss (George) many, many years ago and he told me the story of when he was an 17 yr old apprentice electrician. They were working and had to go into the underground sewer type tunnels, his boss had a meter of some sort that he used a rope to lower into the tunnel before going in, he pulled the meter out, took a look at it and said the gas content was too high to go down, he told George to grab a bucket and rope to get rid of the gas.
George stood there with said bucket and rope, proceeded to lower the bucket into down the manhole, pull the empty bucket up and empty the “gas” out. This was right downtown Toronto and he said by the time he finished, there were about 30 random people gathered around watching him and nobody said a damn thing
 
Years ago, my buddy that had a paint shop on the field sent his 20 y.o. minion up to my shop for some prop wash. It just so happened that I had some bottled water that the prop shop I used had sent me (advertising freebie) that had a label with their logo printed on it along with PROP WASH under their logo. I cracked it open and poured some into the syrofoam coffee cup she had brought with her and told her not to spill a single drop because it was super expensive @ $400/qt. We thought it was hilarious, her....not so much.
 
we got two pretty young gals on board the USS Vulcan in 86, those two went all over that ship looking for a bucket of white hydraulic deck remover. my shop was down and aft by the props. they were sent my way from the bosun locker up front. so I sent them to the sail locker up top. gig line, flight line, brass magnets and a thousand others have kept many a tradesman entertained.
 
I told my wife that the bump on her tail bone was where her tail was removed when she was a baby, she called bullshit but I persisted that it was true and her mother had told me about it so I wouldn't wonder about the scar. It took her months before she remembered to bring it up to her mom, she was mad she was never told about having a tail. Man that pissed her off :)
 
I had to have hernia surgery as a baby and it left me with 2 visible scars one on either side of my junk. I told my now ex wife when she noticed them that I was born without a cock and had an experimental surgery to transplant a horses cock where mine should have been. Don't worry I told her it works just like a normal cock and I can still father children.

That woman wasn't the brightest to say the least and believed every word. For the next year she was telling my secret to all of her friends and even her mother "Don't tell anyone but Billy has a horse cock" Well they told 2 friends bla bla bla and pretty soon I had a reputation.:laughing: It didn't end until she brought it up to my own mother who fucked everything up by telling her the truth.:lmao:
 
2JZ said:
When I was 18 I started a new job at a door manufacturer. First day we came up short cutting a stack of hollow cores. My boss sent me looking for the "door stretcher". I went to every part of that factory asking everyone for it. Once I realized wtf was up I sure felt like a dumbass. :homer:
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thata funny.
 
Muttly said:
I told my wife that the bump on her tail bone was where her tail was removed when she was a baby, she called bullshit but I persisted that it was true and her mother had told me about it so I wouldn't wonder about the scar. It took her months before she remembered to bring it up to her mom, she was mad she was never told about having a tail. Man that pissed her off :)
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Wait, that was a trick, and she didn't, right?

'Cause my grandma did. 2-3" long, removed at birth. Or so I was told all my life...
 
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