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Anyone ever lost themselves?

Andrew

Andrew

Resident Redneck
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
420
Messages
280
Im feeling quite lost this past few years, and Im not real how to get back to me....if that makes anysense.

Since I was in my mid teens, I loved cars, mostly Jeeps and trucks. After high school it got pretty bad, like obsession bad. I would come home from work, and out to the garage I went, rinse and repeat. Obviously, that didnt bode well with my wife and I's relashonship.

Well, mentorships, and councelling through church got it to a regular, acceptable level, and my wife and I got on a good path for quite a long time.

I have a Jeep still, but have nowhere to go, and no real desire to work on it (no where to take it, so why mod it)

I dont really have any interests here (upstate NY) like I did on the west coast. The kiddos, and wife are happy here, money/budget are great, area is nice...Im just....I guess bored and lonely.

I dont have "friends" here....no wheelin...just kinda go to work, and work on the house...

On the west coast, I seemed to always have some sort of focus, whether it be an upcoming trip or life goal....here....I dunno, I cant seem to find something to aspire to here.

Never been in this spot in life before.

Anyone else been here in life before?
 
Take up hunting. That's huge in upstate NY. Shit...put the kids into hockey. THAT will consume your life. LOL!

While wheeling and camping has always been a lifestyle for me my entire life, other passions have come and gone. Bodybuilding, paintball, playing/coaching football etc. Stuff like that ebbs and flos. You just need to find a passion.
 
What town are you in? Plenty of wheeling in new England if you're close to VT and MA.
 
I think that is a somewhat normal early midlife feeling. At least is has been for me from time to time.

Life is busy with work, kids, and family stuff. You end up not having a whole lot of time and/or money for personal interests. If you got part of your identify and joy from those things you aren't doing anymore... you end up feeling a little lost.

Can't say I have the answers on how best to address it, but self care is important. You need some "you time" doing what you enjoy otherwise you will end up always just going through the motions....
 
I have quite a few hobbies/sports that I love to do. I learned that I will get really seriously involved in one of them and spend a few years making it my main focus before getting burned out. Then I'd switch to another one for a while. I also realized that the constant theme of everything I love to do is travel. Camping, wheeling, mountain bike racing, surfing, dirt bikes, hiking, whatever, I figured out the part that got me most excited was traveling.

Maybe plan a trip somewhere?
 
I can attest to something like this. I will say that I still haven't expanded on much but I will say about 4 years ago I was so lost I almost just got in the car to go for a drive and not return. Didn't care about anything material. Financially I could have started over with nothing on my back or loaded in the car and could have cared less. It was actually scary to say the least. I think I was overall just tired and feeling unaccomplished.

I started seeing someone and I thought this was great I felt like I belonged we traveled we did activities blah blah blah and then I went out of town one week and its like I just had everything ripped out from under me.

Yup I was alone again and starting over again. I will say I have had vested hobbies like bicycles fishing video games lego and photography and probably 3 other hobbies and I am in a new relationship but I can't say I am super on point. It still lingers and yes some days I wonder if I should act on it and if anyone would care. I don't have much family contact so its not like they would notice if I moved on and started over without saying anything.

I too went from living in Vegas to Lauderdale Miami area things are not similar in any way between the two sides of the country. Both have pros both have cons.

Its perhaps time you take a couple weekends solo get away from the family. But the counter to this is you have to let your wife do the same. Meaning one 3 day weekend you are off and doing fuck all without interruption. But then give her the same 3 day weekend where you are home just you and the kids so she can also do fuck all without interruption. And when I mean get away don't pack any materials for fucks sake if I can fly to Vegas and buy basic clothes for a week for less than it cost for a carry on round trip I am sure you can do the same.

Inventing a new hobby is short lived but getting away from it all for 72 hours might be your ticket to clearing your head and killing the funk without ruining everything else.

Ive spent 20 years traveling the New England area when my grandpa lived in maine. I assure you there is alot of interesting things up there to see and take in.
 
yeah, they call it depression :) not to shit on the system, but it sounds like you overdid it on the counseling and denying of yourself and your needs
 
I think my passions dont work here in NY sadly.

Its a different world out here with no where near the available state land Im used to.

I am approx 45 minutes from the PA border. The nearest off road park seems to be approx 2hrs in any direction. Im used to "free" four wheelin, and I just drove accross town to the state land. Same with camping, just find a clearing off the forest road. Out here....not so much.

We have travelled a little here, which I enjoy, but really would like something to do more regularly.
 
but it sounds like you overdid it on the counseling and denying of yourself and your needs
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I have wondered the same thing. But, its kinda scary thinking I could revert back to the "good ole days" I guess.

Maybe a self guilt? I dunno.
 
I suppose the good in all this is, I dont have a desire to jump off a cliff.
 
I thought about selling the YJ, and buying a muscle car/street fun car....but nothing that I can afford currently excites me :lmao:
 
If I was east coast I'd probably be the same way. Yeah some people like it but if I could get the bit of wheeling in the hills like I have now I get in a similar state.
 
I feel you. Not quite the same story, but not far off. I'll be 33 at the end of the month. Seems like everything has been downhill for me for the last few years. 5 years ago I had a gf I thought I was going to marry, had a decent house in an area I really liked. Had a couple project Jeeps, couple motorcycles to wrench on. Could shoot guns all I wanted on the property I was on.

GF split a couple years ago, over that, but the other stuff has been bugging me more and more. Cost of living around here has gotten crazy. I'm making twice as much as I was 5 years ago but can barely afford a shitty, tiny apartment. I really want to get back into bikes but I just can't afford it. Really don't do shit anymore other than drinking beers with a couple friends every couple of months or so.

I don't feel like I'm depressed or anything, but I do feel like I'm just going through the motions for no real reason. Was really looking forward to moving out of state this year, but then the corona bullshit kinda fucked that up and I ended up renewing my lease through next November. I think I'm just gonna bank as much as I can through next summer and move whether I have a job lined up when I do or not next year.
 
Weasel said:
If I was east coast I'd probably be the same way. Yeah some people like it but if I could get the bit of wheeling in the hills like I have now I get in a similar state.
Click to expand...

i lived in NJ for 1.5yrs and no way i could justify the effort it takes to go wheeling east of the continental divide.
 
Andrew said:
Im feeling quite lost this past few years, and Im not real how to get back to me....if that makes anysense.

Since I was in my mid teens, I loved cars, mostly Jeeps and trucks. After high school it got pretty bad, like obsession bad. I would come home from work, and out to the garage I went, rinse and repeat. Obviously, that didnt bode well with my wife and I's relashonship.

Well, mentorships, and councelling through church got it to a regular, acceptable level, and my wife and I got on a good path for quite a long time.

I have a Jeep still, but have nowhere to go, and no real desire to work on it (no where to take it, so why mod it)

I dont really have any interests here (upstate NY) like I did on the west coast. The kiddos, and wife are happy here, money/budget are great, area is nice...Im just....I guess bored and lonely.

I dont have "friends" here....no wheelin...just kinda go to work, and work on the house...

On the west coast, I seemed to always have some sort of focus, whether it be an upcoming trip or life goal....here....I dunno, I cant seem to find something to aspire to here.

Never been in this spot in life before.

Anyone else been here in life before?
Click to expand...

Similar here. I did the jeep thing in my 20's then I faded away from all my friends and jeeping. I am 40 now and living a life of an ant. Work, go home, fix what needs fixing, then back to work. I have no real hang out friends and my social circle is my gf, mom, sis and her kids. I suck, right?

Dunno if you are interesting in gardening but holy shit it consumed me once I started. Seems like my mind is free of all the shit going on when I am out there working the beds.
 
Motorcharge said:
I don't feel like I'm depressed or anything, but I do feel like I'm just going through the motions for no real reason. .
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this^

i dont do fuck all anymore

sleep work repeat is all it feels like, and on the weekends i just have no drive, ill try to work on some lil projects on the wheeler to give me something to do but even then, I KNOW im just trying to keep myself busy

i might need some cocaine to get me into gear :laughing:

or maybe a real vacation, not just a 3 day holiday weekend....... or cocaine:laughing:
 
lived in NJ for 1.5yrs and no way i could justify the effort it takes to go wheeling east of the continental divide.
Click to expand...

ya, I cant really either. The cost to get into Rousch is ridiculous to me, especially coming from "free" 4 wheeling all my life.

a coworker wants to do a guided off road run at a ski resort sorta nearby, he said the cost was $380, for the day....no lodging...no food....uh, no thanks.

I had my well setup YJ for sale for a few months, for what I felt was a fair price ($4500. 6cyl with 96k miles, 33" tires, NP435 Novak trans, 8.8 rear locked front and rear 4k miles on all drivetrain except the motor, good tub frame, hard top/full doors Warn skids, bumper and 8274) but no real takers. Figured I would pick up a fun car, but for $4500 +/- didnt find much I wanted.

I like the Jeep, but dont really have much use for it currently.

I cant remember the exact price to get in to Rausch, but of memory serves it was well over $100 for rig, and pass access for the day.

I get it, the land owner has to pay taxes, ect, but Im cheap :laughing:
 
Yeah I lost myself about 5 or 6 years ago. Mentally, physically just checked out. I dont know if I can point to one exact thing that flipped to get me out of it, maybe the year of caddieing 6 days a week and the being very physically active.
 
Andrew said:
ya, I cant really either. The cost to get into Rousch is ridiculous to me, especially coming from "free" 4 wheeling all my life.

a coworker wants to do a guided off road run at a ski resort sorta nearby, he said the cost was $380, for the day....no lodging...no food....uh, no thanks.

I had my well setup YJ for sale for a few months, for what I felt was a fair price ($4500. 6cyl with 96k miles, 33" tires, NP435 Novak trans, 8.8 rear locked front and rear 4k miles on all drivetrain except the motor, good tub frame, hard top/full doors Warn skids, bumper and 8274) but no real takers. Figured I would pick up a fun car, but for $4500 +/- didnt find much I wanted.

I like the Jeep, but dont really have much use for it currently.

I cant remember the exact price to get in to Rausch, but of memory serves it was well over $100 for rig, and pass access for the day.

I get it, the land owner has to pay taxes, ect, but Im cheap :laughing:
Click to expand...

quit being cheap.
 
I think it's less of a lack of hobby, but a what's next in life deal.

If your looking for a new activity snowmobiling is big all over upstate and trails will take you anywhere you would like to go. If your ever wanting something to do your welcome to stop by the shop.
 
My coworker is big into snowmobiling, but says our county (Delaware) is poor for it due to not enough snowfall in the past few years.

He usually goes up to Old Forge NY or his other house he owned near Richfield Springs.
 
quit being cheap.
Click to expand...

3 kids, kinda hard not to be. I work as an equipment operator for the county...aint exactly making me a millionaire :laughing:
 
Yup...seems like a common thing in your 30's to 40's to kinda lose yourself and get a bit depressed and feel the monotony of life. It's also the age where you start to realize all the consequences of shit and can't just ignorantly have fun like the good ol' days. Oh, and hangovers are brutal.

A social life helps, but needs to be with friends you enjoy hanging around and not the millionth friend with kids birthday party or similar shit. I have a few buddies that (pre-covid) we used to get together to wrench or help each other with projects, sure missing that right now. But ya, usually the most fun I have is a day in the garage or in the yard or whatever building, chatting, etc.

I do still get that lost feeling from time to time, sucks. Exercise and outdoors helps a lot to take away the blues though, just go for a bike ride or walk or whatnot with the wife/kids, you'll come back feeling better every time.
 
Andrew said:
My coworker is big into snowmobiling, but says our county (Delaware) is poor for it due to not enough snowfall in the past few years.

He usually goes up to Old Forge NY or his other house he owned near Richfield Springs.
Click to expand...

You're 3 hours from some of the best riding in VT. Woodford.
 
What about some dirt bikes for you and the kids. You could probably sell your jeep and buy a pile of 10-20 year old honda 4 strokes and not loose any money if it doesnt work out.
 
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