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Things Children Say

woods said:
Oh, something the wife and I were chatting about.

The use of sir and ma'am/miss

I was going to try to get kiddo to use it. Wife says no. What say you IBB? Too old school?
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Do it. I have my son telling people ‘have a nice day’ and they like it. If he says ‘no sir/no ma’am’ they’ll be impressed at his attitude. Just make sure to stay consistent with it and be prepared to hear ‘what do you say dad?’
 
Pushing 4 bags of sand around Home Depot. Parked it at the cashier perfectly without being told, walks back to the candy section and picks something out. He reaches for the receipt and pushed the cart out the doors lie every dad would….looking around trying to remember where he parked. I started being scared of his strength right here. He was 40 pounds and 3.5 years old. He is going to kick my ass. Easily.
 

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I've always joked about dead animals being asleep...


Oh look at that cat/squirrel/dog sleeping on the side of the road.... how peacful..

So my son is about three, him and the wife are in the car with some other kids and moms, and he blurts that out, very load and claer, all the kids start asking where. it turns into a whole deal. My wife is mortified and doing all she can to defuse the situation..

You can bet I got an earful when she got home, and now I have to explain why thats not appropriate.:homer:
 
Stingray said:
I've always joked about dead animals being asleep...


Oh look at that cat/squirrel/dog sleeping on the side of the road.... how peacful..

So my son is about three, him and the wife are in the car with some other kids and moms, and he blurts that out, very load and claer, all the kids start asking where. it turns into a whole deal. My wife is mortified and doing all she can to defuse the situation..

You can bet I got an earful when she got home, and now I have to explain why thats not appropriate.:homer:
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When my brother was young he asked: Mom when they put animals to sleep do they wake them up when someone wants them?
I :lmao:.
 
when he was 2 or 3 he had a bad habit of murmering "Dads an asshole" under his breath when he didn't think I could hear him.


He's 22 now, And I've asked him about it, he has no recolection of it, but admits that I can still be an asshole.:lmao:
 
Stingray said:
when he was 2 or 3 he had a bad habit of murmering "Dads an asshole" under his breath when he didn't think I could hear him.


He's 22 now, And I've asked him about it, he has no recolection of it, but admits that I can still be an asshole.:lmao:
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My oldest son when he was 2 or 3 said it out loud and I quote " Why are you being such a dick ? " he's 19 now , but him and his younger brother never had a problem verbalizing their displeasure .
 
Momma and kiddo spent the day together on Saturday. Went into town. Library. That sort of thing. Downtown there's a public bathroom and momma had to pee.

She brings him in with her, I guess there was a bit of a line so they waited. Finally they get a stall, she starts doing her thing. Then without warning, DADA HAS A BIG PENIS! ITS HUGE! Wife freaking lost it so of course kiddo keeps repeating it. Wife tells me no one could stop laughing in the bathroom. :laughing:
 
Was just sitting around after dinner relaxing andy wife says my daughter needs her diaper changed. She says no, and my wife tells my daughter she is stinky. My daughter says no, I have a bandaid on. Then jumps on her atv and says I'm out of here. She is standing up, not wanting to sit in a shitty diaper and says I'm driving away.

Me and my wife laugh as our 2 year old drives away on her frozen atv.
 
Harry Johnson said:
4 year old. One of his friends is named Morgan. We're walking around the neighborhood and we see Morgan's cat last night.

"That's Morgan's cat.. I don't know its name, do you?"
"uuuh .....Morgan."
"No, that's her name, you don't think she'd name her cat after her do you?"
"Yeah! If I had a cat I would name him Calvin!"(his name is Calvin).
"What? no..."
"...and if you had a cat his name would be Harry!"
"I don't think..."
"... and if Caleb(other friend) had a cat, he would name him Caleb!"
"Ok, that's silly. What would you name them if you had two cats then?"
"If I had two cats, I would name the first one Calvin and I would name the other one Calvin 2."

I can't argue with that logic.
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This is how I ended up with a dog named Jr when I was a little kid :laughing: g: apparently my mom though it would be too difficult if me and the dog shared a name
 
Y'all crack me up.

Then again, my youngest is 16.

I was a CDR, US Navy... she can out swear any enlisted sailor out there.

Out wrench them, too.
 
I got a new one from Halloween.

Our neighborhood goes off on Halloween. We buy a metric crapload of candy and we usually end up handing it all out before 8:00 pm. This year because COVID is over the wife stocked up extra hard. Also this year our 4 year old actually understands the value of trick-or-treating and the effort required to get candy.

The wife walks into the living room right as our 4 year old has just noticed the bags and bags of candy piled up on the dining room table. He doesn't know she's there and whispers softly under his breath "Shit! Lookit all that candy!"

He knows all the swear words and knows he's not supposed to say them, but occasionally trots one out with perfect context when he thinks no adults are around.
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One more for the shoes on the wrong feet. My 3yr old granddaughter kept putting her Elsa rain boots on the wrong feet. when told, she would shy and change them. Later, the boots would be on the wrong feet again. so I asked her why. She gave me a "you just don't get it" look and explained that she can't see Elsa unless the boots are on the wrong feet. Ah! This is a manufacturing error! Clearly the manufacturer doe not understand 3yr old logic. I never asked her to switch boots again.
 
Last weekend,

We're going to go for a drive to a town called Lincoln.

We're going to see Lincoln? (his cousin)

No. The town is called Lincoln.

Is that where Lincoln lives?

No, Lincoln does not live in Lincoln.

Why not?

So we get to the end of the Kanc and stop for pizza. Kiddo kept asking for Lincoln all day. :laughing:
 
Last weekend at the ice shack. Daughter lost a tooth so the tooth fairy had to show up at the ice shack.

We found a note:

Der tooth fairy,

I got questions! What's yer name and why do you want teeth?

We left her a letter:

Dear Heidi,

My name is Lucy. I want the teeth because it's part of your history and I love stories. Love Lucy.

She was excited in the morning and I'm laughing. I said her last name was probably toothy-----Loosy Toothy....

She spent the day building a fairy door for beside her ice shack bed and making fairy money from birch bark.

Next day she loses another tooth, and left a note asking if she could see the tooth fairy. We didn't respond to that one (yet).

Next note was:

(the R word is supposed to be respond, but spelled respawnd....)

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Forgot about this thread.

So it was my birthday recently. Momma asked kiddo what they should get me.

We need to go to the tractor store. (TSC)

So they get there. Kiddo all on his own gets three things. Hardware section where momma fills up a bag of G8 3/8 bolts, "for the motorcycle", a pair of orange work gloves (to match the tractor), and a bag of jerky "because Dad is always hungry".

Thought that was really neat. Came up with that all on his own.
 
My youngest grandson is 4.5.
A few weeks ago he comes home from pre school and announces his friend at school is dumb.
So I tell him that’s not a nice thing to say about your friend.
He comes back with “Well it’s true. I sure hope he gets smarter. “
:lmao:
 
Sitting at the dinner table, My Wife, 3 kids (13,11 and 10) and myself. Kids were talking about carnivores, omnivorous, vegetarians etc etc... 11 year old pipes up "and dad is a Cannibal". We stop and look at her, and ask what.. She spits out "Oh c'mon dad we all know you eat moms ass"...... much commotion ensues afterwards.

God is punishing me with this one for being the shit I was as a child, I am sure of it.
 
Ditchrunner said:
My youngest grandson is 4.5.
A few weeks ago he comes home from pre school and announces his friend at school is dumb.
So I tell him that’s not a nice thing to say about your friend.
He comes back with “Well it’s true. I sure hope he gets smarter. “
:lmao:
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Hell I still get told daily it is not nice to call people dumb- my response is similar to his--- does not change that they are dumb...
 
Wolfe_Man said:
Sitting at the dinner table, My Wife, 3 kids (13,11 and 10) and myself. Kids were talking about carnivores, omnivorous, vegetarians etc etc... 11 year old pipes up "and dad is a Cannibal". We stop and look at her, and ask what.. She spits out "Oh c'mon dad we all know you eat moms ass"...... much commotion ensues afterwards.

God is punishing me with this one for being the shit I was as a child, I am sure of it.
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You win today :lmao:
 
Wolfe_Man said:
Sitting at the dinner table, My Wife, 3 kids (13,11 and 10) and myself. Kids were talking about carnivores, omnivorous, vegetarians etc etc... 11 year old pipes up "and dad is a Cannibal". We stop and look at her, and ask what.. She spits out "Oh c'mon dad we all know you eat moms ass"...... much commotion ensues afterwards.

God is punishing me with this one for being the shit I was as a child, I am sure of it.
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Pick of moms ass? :flipoff2:
 
Wolfe_Man said:
Sitting at the dinner table, My Wife, 3 kids (13,11 and 10) and myself. Kids were talking about carnivores, omnivorous, vegetarians etc etc... 11 year old pipes up "and dad is a Cannibal". We stop and look at her, and ask what.. She spits out "Oh c'mon dad we all know you eat moms ass"...... much commotion ensues afterwards.

God is punishing me with this one for being the shit I was as a child, I am sure of it.
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Will12785 said:
Pick of moms ass? :flipoff2:
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Does he have that large of an appetite is also a valid question? Pics to prove either way?:flipoff2:
 
Wife and son are driving hom from daycare today. A corvette pulls up, and he says he wouldn't want a car like that, because he can't carry his dirtbike in it.
"What kind of car do you want?"
"A toyota chevy!"
She explains he's mixing brands, and lists several car manufacturers.
"What kind of truck does daddy drive?"
My wife doesn't appreciate my flatdecked 01 f350 diesel.
"A ford" then mutters under her breath "shitbox..."
"I want a Ford shitbox!"

They get home, he busts in the door and announces "DAD! When I grow up, I'm gonna drive a Ford shitbox JUST LIKE YOU!"
 
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