I use to smoke. It's the dumbest thing I ever did. The smartest thing I ever did is quit.
When I smoked, I never smoked in my home. It was a disgusting smell for people and we were aware of second hand smoke causing health problems in the 90's.
I lived in Vegas so yes. I smoked everywhere else. Even at work. Nobody cared. Or so it seemed. I use to smoke in my car religiously. I remember thinking, I could never quit as I enjoyed that so damn much. There were other times as well. Morning coffee, Breaks, conversations, road trips, after meals, relaxing and so on. I couldn't imagine not having that moment when it came to trying to quit. It just wasn't gong to happen.
You see, seared into my memory, my whole childhood was my grandparents, Stepfather, uncles, all their freinds, me going to the vending machine at a local A&W to get my Dad some Winston's, friends, sister, ect. , hell my grandparents had a giant bowl of leaf tobacco and papers on thier kitchen table. This shit was a right of passage. This taboo little retarded act, tolerated by everyone as the "fun people/admired" all did it and I looked up to them.
Today, you ask? I'm telling you. It's fucking stupid. STUPID! The one thing in my life I'm truly ashamed to admit I've done.
I get it though, I understand why you do it. But the emotion is facade. It's not real. Once you quit for good, all that want and desire goes away. I didn't think it would. But it does. Now I can't stand that smell anywhere . All the places it was triggering are gone. It's just a thing I did. A dumb thing.
Now as I got older, and see that everyone I knew who smoked are dead or quiting as thier health issues leave them no options. I worry every time I cough if I wated too long. I realize. I'm a lucky man. I'm lucky I chose to wake up.
It's a joke. A sick fucking joke I wish I never fell for. But you be you.
Carry on.