Single Dads

Not much to it. You pretty much just water them every now and then and they just grow.
 
Yota Up said:
Not much to it. You pretty much just water them every now and then and they just grow.
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Agreed. So much love to him, and the love he shows me is unexplainable. Feel like shit for knowing he'll grow up in two homes. Not how I was raised, that's what doesn't sit well.
 
TiTRD said:
Agreed. So much love to him, and the love he shows me is unexplainable. Feel like shit for knowing he'll grow up in two homes. Not how I was raised, that's what doesn't sit well.
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oh hell, i should have refreshed before i replied :homer:

CONGRATS!!!!!!!

You get to provide an awesome place that won't be appreciate for probably 20 or 30 years, but has potential to be absolutely kickass :smokin:
 
He will grow up in a kick-ass place.

His mom is one of those that gives up when shit goes bad. I've tried 3 times to make it work, always unhappy. I waited 36 years to have a family. He was not an accident. Bad pregnancy. She's an amazing mom, but a fawking terrible partner.

Hit me today as her other son's dad was picking his son up the same time as me. Not how I grew up. Shitty for my kid and her other kid.
 
TiTRD said:
Agreed. So much love to him, and the love he shows me is unexplainable. Feel like shit for knowing he'll grow up in two homes. Not how I was raised, that's what doesn't sit well.
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Don't worry much about the other home. Just make sure that your home is 100% love and as perfect as it can be to the best of what you do.
Honestly, it's really hard to screw this up. There are shit parents out there that are really shitty. And the kids still grow up loving them.
So put worries to rest right now, because if you worry you might miss a nice moment. Spend your time and heart in the here and now loving every minute of it. They grow up quick, and yous is at the super cute, super fun age right now. Over the next 6 months you'll have the cutest moments of your life. I think 18-24 months was my favorite part for that adorable baby stuff where they start talking and walking all goofy.

You don't really have to plan, either. That love you got will guide you every step of the way.
 
I could write you a post with 10,000 words on just the first year of doing it but I'll just try to keep it short and sweet for now.

Without knowing just how fresh this is to you...

You pretty much just do it. Start small just the basics, routine is very good at this point for you both. Time your day as best you can, meal times, nap times, bed times, fun times try to keep them the same, also make sure you get just a bit of you time.

Get some help from someone you trust, there are gonna be times you need it, best bet is grand parents, your parents not hers.

Involve that kid in everything you do as much as possible, everything is a learning moment no matter what it is.

Watch your back. There will be people that don't like how you handle this and they may bring the knives out, be ready for that. Make damn sure you keep a clean house and have plenty of supplies on hand CPS looks for that.

Warning, you are gonna be tired all the time, it's normal for the first few years until things get into a pattern so get your sleep whenever you can.

There's more but I'll add to it once other guys post up and my memory gets nudged.
 
Man i am in same boat as you with a 7 year old boy, ex and i split after 18 years,papers are being filed next week. Ill go into more detail when everything is legal and done.
but i know it sucks and its hard. But all i can say so far is do whats best for them, sometimes it dont feel the best but gotta raise them with no hate for the other parent as much as you may feel it. Its not fair to the kid.

pm me if you need to talk, it helps a ton trust me.
 
Redtruggy said:
Man i am in same boat as you with a 7 year old boy, ex and i split after 18 years,papers are being filed next week. Ill go into more detail when everything is legal and done.
but i know it sucks and its hard. But all i can say so far is do whats best for them, sometimes it dont feel the best but gotta raise them with no hate for the other parent as much as you may feel it. Its not fair to the kid.

pm me if you need to talk, it helps a ton trust me.
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Thank you. Sincerely.
 
Day by day, and enjoy as MUCH of it as you can, then more. HE'S your family now. Don't make a villain out of mom....he'll make his own decisions in his own time. Play your game right, and you'll have a best friend forever.

I did it with my daughter, and she turned out a hell of a lot better than I did. She's made accomplishments that no one could imagine, and she's on track for another. My best friend, and she KNOWS dad has her back. I know because every time she feels like she's hitting the floor, I get a 'Daddy' call. I wish she'd not get there, but at least I still get to be there for her.
 
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You buck up





Its not about you....





Its about the kidlin




Make that person the most important person...



Until they're an adult


Its what you signed up for.
 
Redtruggy said:
Man i am in same boat as you with a 7 year old boy, ex and i split after 18 years,papers are being filed next week. Ill go into more detail when everything is legal and done.
but i know it sucks and its hard. But all i can say so far is do whats best for them, sometimes it dont feel the best but gotta raise them with no hate for the other parent as much as you may feel it. Its not fair to the kid.
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My parents were divorced. My mom used to talk trash about my dad. Not cool. My dad didn't do that, and was just being himself and doing good by me all the way.
Be like my dad. He's dead now and I miss him bad. Mom, on the other, well, we don't talk anymore.
 
TiTRD said:
. Not how I grew up. Shitty for my kid .
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not sure if it's already been beat to death, but this is just not true. How you grew up isn't the golden standard. the world is at least 36 years different now compared to then anyways.

hell, there is a damned good chance you don't know the half of how you grew up because you were a kid during a bunch of it :rasta:

If you don't make it shitty for your kid, it isn't shitty for your kid. you can only control what you can influence, be amicable and ignore the fuck out of everything else.

This is not shitty for your kid. This is normal for your kid.

Enjoy it! :beer:
 
Thank you all.

I'll always be strong for him. Will never talk bad about mom around him or in general. Just a situation I never thought I'd be in.
 
If boy, hard until they are 12.or 13 If girl, hard from 9 to......well still working on that at 15. Good luck. If they "doctors" tell you the way the child is acting is not normal........they are lying through their teeth.

It isn't that bad. Just have a good sense of humor.
 
Lots of good advice already. My kids were a little older (16 and 11) when my ex and I split, but most of it remains the same as far as how you are to the kid. Focus on what you can control -which is their time with you. My ex has gotten better, but was a really shitty parent for a while after we split. Nothing I could do about it so I just focused on making my time with them as meaningful as possible. As was said earlier, Never talk bad about the mom in front of your kid. No matter how you feel. Let them figure it out.

It's been 5 1/2 years now for me. Oldest boy is off in the Army and I still spend as much meaningful time with my younger boy as I can. Although, now that he's 16 he's way too cool to hang with dad.
 
Provience said:
not sure if it's already been beat to death, but this is just not true. How you grew up isn't the golden standard. the world is at least 36 years different now compared to then anyways.

hell, there is a damned good chance you don't know the half of how you grew up because you were a kid during a bunch of it :rasta:

If you don't make it shitty for your kid, it isn't shitty for your kid. you can only control what you can influence, be amicable and ignore the fuck out of everything else.

This is not shitty for your kid. This is normal for your kid.

Enjoy it! :beer:
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You are correct.

What I'm saying is this is normal for her. She has 4 brothers with 3 different fathers. It's easy for her to not try because it's the norm.
 
Redtruggy said:
Man i am in same boat as you with a 7 year old boy, ex and i split after 18 years,papers are being filed next week. Ill go into more detail when everything is legal and done.
but i know it sucks and its hard. But all i can say so far is do whats best for them, sometimes it dont feel the best but gotta raise them with no hate for the other parent as much as you may feel it. Its not fair to the kid.

pm me if you need to talk, it helps a ton trust me.
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Excellent advice!!! Never had kids of my own but I live with a woman and her son who just turned 10. The boy never knew his parents to be together. My chick raised the boy to 8 all by herself (with her family’s help) till I showed up. The father is around but until I showed up had very little to do with him. Now that I’m here the sperm donor doesn’t like it. He try’s to talk bad about the boys mom and myself but all that does is make the boy not trust his own dad. We never talk about the boys father, we just listen. The boy’s not a fan of his dad but dad has his parental rights that we honor. From my limited experience as a parent it’s pretty easy to see that kids only understand happy, or not happy. Give them attention, listen to them and you will be their best friend, even when you have to discipline them.

Then some day the child will learn that since you and the ex don’t get along that they can manipulate situations. We’re having to work on lying and trust right now.
 
Good luck, not a single dad, so no advice. You live in an awesome place with so much history to share with your boy growing up. I live down the river from you and really enjoy taking my son up the old rail beds or to the reservoirs. Enjoy the outside with him, always be the bigger person when it comes to his mother and you guys will be fine.
 
Not a single dad here, but have several friends who are split and have kids. Biggest thing I’ve seen is the mom thinking they can do whatever they want regardless of the custody agreement. Keeping the kids from seeing the dad for months, etc. I’d make sure it is crystal clear and immediately legally enforceable. Unfortunately the court system is stacked against dads that actually want to be fathers, they are used to dealing with sperm donors trying to get off the hook.
 
BUCKLAND said:
Good luck, not a single dad, so no advice. You live in an awesome place with so much history to share with your boy growing up. I live down the river from you and really enjoy taking my son up the old rail beds or to the reservoirs. Enjoy the outside with him, always be the bigger person when it comes to his mother and you guys will be fine.
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Love this area. We actually went to harriman yesterday to watch the boats and play in the rocks.

His mom lives in Greenfield, she grew up in Shelburne.
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Split with my ex 2 years ago. Very messy divorce that is still ongoing. 2 kids together. Do the best you can and make as much distraction free time as you can to spend with your little one. You can't get the time back. Don't let your ex dictate how you spend your time with your little one. Make the memories yours to share between the two of you. It's scary and hard but it's doable and rewarding. Never give up!

Never say a bad thing about your ex and don't let others do it either. Kids aren't dumb and they know that they are half your ex. When others are negative about their mom, they internalize it and think that about themselves.

Kids tend to gravitate towards stability. Be stable, rational, and responsible to provide the best home possible for your kid. You've got this.
 
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It’s tough. I’ve got full custody of an almost 3 year old boy. If it wasn’t for my mom I don’t know how I’d do it, she’s been a huge help as far as watching him for me due to my work schedule making it impossible to put him in daycare.
He’s my little buddy though, he’s all about trucks, tractors, equipment and animals so that makes it easy when I’ve got stuff to do and can take him with me.
There’s days that he pushes my patience to the absolute limit and I think man I don’t know how I can do this. Then he comes up to me at the end of the day, gives me a hug and says daddy I love you, and makes me forget about all the stress.

Having him full time makes it tough to have a sex life since I don’t bring random women around him, but I will say I’ve had more women hitting me up since I’ve been single than I ever have in my life. Women go absolutely nuts over good dads.
 
TiTRD said:
Love this area. We actually went to harriman yesterday to watch the boats and play in the rocks.

His mom lives in Greenfield, she grew up in Shelburne.
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Awesome picture. My father’s side has been in Shelburne since the 1840s Lots of memories growing up there but it all hippies now.
 
Kudos to you guys. I’m not a single dad but I know a few and the best ones like you guys make their kid(s) their life. They aren’t a whatever dr lawyer firefighter, they are dad and do that stuff to provide. Makes me be a better dad to mine seeing them sacrifice and give theirs such love.
 
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