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Refusing gifts?

Yota Up

Dull man
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
648
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1,616
There may be some things you just do not accept, either because they are too expensive or it feels like charity or whatever the reason may be.
When it comes to family it's a different thing, but with strangers there feels to be a limit. Do you agree?

Are there certain gifts you won't accept from people? Do you have a limit for how much it costs, or how much effort it took?
 
I don't even draw the limit at family
My Mom used to guilt trip us as kids about all the money they spent on us for Christmas while were were coming into April
I just told her to stop buying me gifts then, I was about 12. I still refuse them today.
Gifts are a set up, you owe them, just wait, it will eventually surface
 
SomeGuyFromOlympia said:
Gifts are a set up, you owe them, just wait, it will eventually surface
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Oof. That's a punch right there.
Imagine your baby is born and you get $500 as gift money for baby.
Then 5 years later you're told you owe them for that "loan".

But even in addition to those type of gifts.
Some gifts can be inappropriate.
Some gifts can be illegal.

We gotta draw a line, based on whatever. It's that "whatever" I'm looking for from the individual.
 
I try to look at it from the perspective of the giver. How weird would it be if I wanted to give a gift to someone and they said no. Only someone I want to distance myself from gets a no.
 
I guess I'm glad I've never been in this situation. My family doesn't do gifts for adults, just kids, and we keep it minimal in value do to some of the families financial ability.
Where I despise gifts is from my employer. Several times a year all employees get stupid seasonal gifts, gift cards, etc. This year they bought everyone an electric s'more burner, mallows, crackers, and some gift cards. It's junk, plus it goes on my pay stub as taxable gift, so I get to be taxed on something I don't want, but it would be highly frowned upon to refuse, so I grimace and accept it.
Every year I pay tax on $1000 plus of gift value.:mad3:
 
Tin Roof said:
“Gifts” are common in business. It could be anything from game tickets to a bottle of bourbon. I haven’t seen a reason to say no to one yet. And I’ve given some as well.
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I said no to those business gifts for 25 years. Handed plenty out but never taken any because I didn't want to feel obligated or guilted.

Then one day I realized, I have been doing business with the same companies since I started so gifts had not influenced my purchases and they won't in the future either. They have proven themselves already and don't need to buy me.

So I don't reject them anymore.
 
Tin Roof said:
“Gifts” are common in business. It could be anything from game tickets to a bottle of bourbon. I haven’t seen a reason to say no to one yet. And I’ve given some as well.
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In large corporations you can get in pretty big trouble for taking them. At a former job where I was dealing with sales teams a lot I used to refuse anything that wasn't a dinner, and by the end I was a refusing those, and more expensive than a yeti mug. Evrey golf trip was an automatic no from me as well. We had one vendor that would email us quarterly about picking us up in their corporate jet and flying us to Astoria Oregon to fish on his boat, I would have to call the head of the company and tell him stop emailing me that and no I cannot go as I will 100% get fired :laughing:. Next quarter would get the email again:laughing:

As for people giving me gifts, I get super weird about it and try to avoid situations where gifts are given, my parents Jacked my mental wireing up pretty good:laughing:
 
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The only stuff we get is from suppliers, typically just a lunch/dinner here or there and one of them does a big trip every year. Next year is one of the Virgin Islands. They want me to go next year but I've got zero interest at all. I hate the beach, hate traveling and have zero interest in burning my limited PTO time to go.
 
Tin Roof said:
“Gifts” are common in business. It could be anything from game tickets to a bottle of bourbon. I haven’t seen a reason to say no to one yet. And I’ve given some as well.
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My boss has season tickets to the Broncos. He came to me and the others in my shop and told us we were gonna have "forced family fun time" and to pick a game we all wanted to go to. Fuck that. I've got no interest in sportsball, and I certainly dont want to spend a weekend with the guys I spend all week with. I'm sure it will ruffle feathers, but I'm not doing that shit.
 
Johnny Longrifle said:
My boss has season tickets to the Broncos. He came to me and the others in my shop and told us we were gonna have "forced family fun time" and to pick a game we all wanted to go to. Fuck that. I've got no interest in sportsball, and I certainly dont want to spend a weekend with the guys I spend all week with. I'm sure it will ruffle feathers, but I'm not doing that shit.
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"Damn looks like I have plans every weekend and can't go, maybe next year"
 
Johnny Longrifle said:
My boss has season tickets to the Broncos. He came to me and the others in my shop and told us we were gonna have "forced family fun time" a
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Slander said:
"Damn looks like I have plans every weekend and can't go, maybe next year"
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Really? You would refuse gifts from your employer?

Aren't they just trying to say thank you, you are doing a good job?

Our company has baseball skybox, hockey tickets I use all the time. I will take it. Baseball is not my thing either but the skybox is an adventure in itself. Kids love it, grandkids love it.
 
Business stuff: Make it clear up front I make the best decisions I can based on the information I can find and the gifts won't influence my efforts to find information or what that information means. I limit what I get too. Can't be a tangible thing. I have a couple of groups that take me hunting and/or fishing locally, a few that bring lunches and logo hats for my guys, some will drop off breakfast sandwiches for my guys. Stuff like that.

Family - My mom and sis - whatever they want to give is fine. They've earned my trust for it not to be held over my head. My Dad knows to keep it under $50. For 2 reasons, 1 he can't afford it. 2 He has proven to hold shit over your head. My kids can give whatever they want. I'll give them something better when they least expect it :lmao:. Seriously, I think my kids could get away with whatever they wanted at this point and I'd roll with it. Having good kids that are adults is awesome.
 
My Dad has pulled that shot with money a couple times. He gives it, then a couple years later he puts a stipulation on it.

He was absent during most of my childhood unless I could track him down at a Bar.

He was a drunk asshole, then Mom kicked him out after we graduated high school.

When we got pregnant with his first grandchild he moved 5 hours away.

He finally quit drinking at 75 years old. I basically ignore his babbling about what he wants back, he’s trying to make up for it giving money to my kids for college and a house. I don’t and wont refuse it, his mind is pretty mushy from decades of vodka before daylight, and doesn’t remember anyway.
 
Tiha said:
Really? You would refuse gifts from your employer?

Aren't they just trying to say thank you, you are doing a good job?

Our company has baseball skybox, hockey tickets I use all the time. I will take it. Baseball is not my thing either but the skybox is an adventure in itself. Kids love it, grandkids love it.
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Found the middle manager with no life outside of the company everyone hates :flipoff2:


Yes, all the time. Me spending time with my co workers and boss on my day off is a punishment, not a reward, for doing a good job. Give me a bonus where I can afford to rent out a box and do whatever the hell I want in there instead. Can put a price on my labor which is my salary, my time away from the office is priceless and the less free time I have to devote to my employer the better. When I was a leader of people, any company event I scheduled happened m-f between 9 and 5 because I wasn't a selfish dick and know people value their time away from the office, so why would I cut into that?
 
Slander said:
Yes, all the time. Me spending time with my co workers and boss on my day off is a punishment, not a reward, for doing a good job. Give me a bonus where I can afford to rent out a box and do whatever the hell I want in there instead. Can put a price on my labor which is my salary, my time away from the office is priceless and the less free time I have to devote to my employer the better. When I was a leader of people, any company event I scheduled happened m-f between 9 and 5 because I wasn't a selfish dick and know people value their time away from the office, so why would I cut into that?
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Oh so the tickets are not for just you and your family? Yeah that would suck. I wouldn't do that either.

We usually skip all company functions, but the tickets and such are for me and my family only. Don't have to go with co workers.
 
Slander said:
Or the people, usually family, obviously trying to unload their junk on you:laughing:! "There's a box in the front hall with things I thought you would want in it"
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To quote last night. "My aunts mother got this for us, It's worth keeping!!!". I'm going to be throwing away sooo much furniture very soon. :dustin:
 
Wheelin66bronco said:
I guess I'm glad I've never been in this situation. My family doesn't do gifts for adults, just kids, and we keep it minimal in value do to some of the families financial ability.
Where I despise gifts is from my employer. Several times a year all employees get stupid seasonal gifts, gift cards, etc. This year they bought everyone an electric s'more burner, mallows, crackers, and some gift cards. It's junk, plus it goes on my pay stub as taxable gift, so I get to be taxed on something I don't want, but it would be highly frowned upon to refuse, so I grimace and accept it.
Every year I pay tax on $1000 plus of gift value.:mad3:
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Fuck that.
 
Tin Roof said:
“Gifts” are common in business. It could be anything from game tickets to a bottle of bourbon. I haven’t seen a reason to say no to one yet. And I’ve given some as well.
Click to expand...
I buy expensive IT stuff for the government. We're not allowed to accept any gifts, but even if we were, it would feel insanely sleezy to accept them from people trying to win contracts. What blows my mind is how sales guys will try to push them anyway. "You don't have to tell anyone." "This will be just between us." From where I'm at it just looks like a bribe.


Outside of a professional setting, most of my relationships with people don't involve gifts. I've got one buddy who is all about it and buys me little stuff like weird socks or a Hawaiian shirt or something for things like birthdays or Christmas. He's been a good friend for a long time so my wife and I make sure we add him in to the birthday/Christmas list mix. I don't think I'd accept anything lavish or extravagant from any of my friends- that would be awkward. If they feel like they owe me for something, I just tell them to buy the next round of beers.
 
I hate gifts, man. I always feel like I cannot repay and by receiving the gift I am instantly indebted by the person.:homer:
 
Tiha said:
Really? You would refuse gifts from your employer?

Aren't they just trying to say thank you, you are doing a good job?

Our company has baseball skybox, hockey tickets I use all the time. I will take it. Baseball is not my thing either but the skybox is an adventure in itself. Kids love it, grandkids love it.
Click to expand...
If you want to thank me for my hard work give me a raise, bonus, better benefits, etc, hell just say thank you on occasion, but don't force me to spend my time off with coworkers. I appreciate the thought, but that's not a reward to me.
 
Tiha said:
Really? You would refuse gifts from your employer?

Aren't they just trying to say thank you, you are doing a good job?

Our company has baseball skybox, hockey tickets I use all the time. I will take it. Baseball is not my thing either but the skybox is an adventure in itself. Kids love it, grandkids love it.
Click to expand...
Ya really. I absolutely no interest in spending my day off with my co workers, watching a stupid game surrounded by tens of thousands of screaming people. Fuck everything about that.

Oh, and to clarify, "forced family fun time" implies the work "family". Not my actual family.
 
In a personal setting, I give and accept gifts in the same fashion.
If I give something, I typically forget about it in fairly short order.
I give things away all the time. Most I wouldn't even consider as gifts, more of a "hey here's a thing you could use more than me" deal.
If someone gives me a gift, I try to graciously accept. But if there's an attempt to hold it over my head later I react, or overreact, very poorly.

I'm very wary of gifts on the professional side. The phrase "appearance of impropriety" rattles around in my head.
 
I've never found myself in a situation to refuse gifts.

Vendors will occasionally buy me lunch or send cookies at Christmas. My opinion is that buys them being included in the RFQ (assuming they're in otherwise good standing) but doesn't get them anything beyond that.

Family wise, as our family grows via marriage and kids, the "opening presents" time at Christmas dinner was taking way too long and takes away from the time spent with family. A few years ago myself and all the "adult cousins" (age 30-40) started doing Secret Santa, so there was only one gift per person to open. Now that everyone is married, we switched it to couples Secret Santa, so only one gift per couple. We also got the grandparents in on it. It also allows everyone to put a lot more time and thought into gifts we'll actually use, not BS that collects dust and ends up in the landfill.

I would like to get people to stop buying my kids BS toys, he has too many already. Telling them he likes Legos helps, because he does, and adding to the lego collection doesn't add significant clutter.
 
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