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Past Boots on the Ground Military- Input requested

SomeGuyFromOlympia

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2020
Member Number
1706
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1,011
I need assistance. I am not looking for friends of people that have not seen battle. I don't care if you were in the service and were Color guard at the Super bowl, I really don't care if you stuffed cargo containers into aircraft from home base
Those that saw action first hand, I don't care what war. These are the people I am looking for input from

I have a friend of a few years, He was in the first Gulf War under Schwarzkoph. He was up front and in that group that bowled through town way ahead of schedule, even their own supplies were having a hard time keeping up. He was deployed several more times in his career to various other conflicts around the world too

This guy has over the years slowly opened up to me, he seems like he just needs to talk. Sometimes he will just talk about how scary it was going through town knowing they were all around, but would vanish into the crowds. Talking about interrogating the man of the house, while they sent the lady solder into the kitchen to talk to the wife and that was the real interrogation they were looking for. Talking about the after math of suicide bombers and how he struggles with crowds today. How it killed him inside to see how they treated their animals over there. All sorts of thing
His family is half a content away, and of course broken with no intention of even going to see them, and his wife doesn't seem to be supportive (I have never seen her)
Last weekend he went with me to pick my kid up from camp (in the proud dad thread) and we go this weird way that I have never been to on base.
He pulls up to a memorial park and says that these are my guys, This is where I sit when I am having a bad day and I reset. They don't get a chance to have a bad day and I do. This is where I go on Memorial day. Even I can feel his guilt that he has

So here is my question
I don't know what the fuck to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to act. I have never been in the Military, or really been exposed to it internally.
I just listen, and address the awkwardness of me not knowing what to do. But I listen to him, I think that is what he is looking for
We are in Civil Air Patrol, I try to actively put him the the 'less crowded' spots when we have to be display aircraft, but I know he struggles when it gets thick. I try to relive him so he can 'get lunch' whatever I can do to help him out

I always tell him when he does things that we are thankful for, and how grateful we are to have him in our life

Now that I know where his private Memorial is, both myself and my daughter are planning on being there for his future ceremonies

Past Military folk, can you help me out ?
 
Ayup, I’ve been there, was fortunate to retire last month.

Does he dip, smoke, like coke (cola), etc?

Serious question.

Whatever it is, just keep it around when you’re with him and offer it to him; as long as not drugs nor getting drunk.

He’s struggling with fate & chance, and the thousands of hours & days & years he spent preparing himself and others for the fight we all wanted but never thought we’d get and the consequences of getting it.

Just be there, pat him on the back a couple times…and accept whatever he does next…which might be hugging you. If he says something, just reply with supportive but not judgmental. He appreciates that you care, he just needs to know he can vent and think without judgement.

It never gets easy…just easier to deal with. The only “fix” is no war and we all know the reality of politicians.

Just listening is helping…trust me; it’s ok to occasionally ask him how he’s doing…. he expects it AND he’s grateful for it…he’ll likely never admit it…because reasons…. as long as he answers with a nod or “yeah”…then you have done your part.

Your helping him fill the valley of depression with better memories without trying forget the people that died / injured while inadvertently helping to make him who he is.
 
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89Breaker said:
Ayup, I’ve been there, was fortunate to retire last month.

Does he dip, smoke, like coke (cola), etc?

Serious question.

Whatever it is, just keep it around when you’re with him and offer it to him; as long as not drugs nor getting drunk.

He’s struggling with fate & chance, and the thousands of hours & days & years he spent preparing himself and others for the fight we all wanted but never thought we’d get and the consequences of getting it.

Just be there, pat him on the back a couple times…and accept whatever he does next…which might be hugging you. If he says something, just reply with supportive but not judgmental. He appreciates that you care, he just needs to know he can vent and think without judgement.

It never gets easy…just easier to deal with. The only “fix” is no war and we all know the reality of politicians.

Just listening is helping…trust me; it’s ok to occasionally ask him how he’s doing…. he expects it AND he’s grateful for it…he’ll likely never admit it…because reasons…. as long as he answers with a nod or “yeah”…then you have done your part.

Your helping him fill the valley of depression with better memories without trying forget the people that died / injured while inadvertently helping to make him who he is.
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bad habits are at a minimum, he is a pilot, and takes that role very seriously. I do know at the end of the day, he will throw one back, but he usually flies every day and that is important to him, I do not in a second think he will ever mess that up
He is a great guy.
 
2005 Afghanistan veteran here. As others stated let him know that you are there for him. I greatly appreciate when my friends send me random texts asking how I’m doing. It’s good to know that people still care about you.
 
Sounds like he opened up to you for a reason, there really isn't much to say even for people that have been there.

Not sure why, and maybe it's just me, but at the end there, you said you sometimes do the "thank you for your service/ appreciate the sacrifice / your country loves you" or whatever to that effect....I'd suggest you drop all that.

Maybe terrible advice, but it really means fuckall and silence is better:laughing:


I was talking to a guy last year who was a tank guy who knew he was going into combat. Middle of the night, just bs'ing and he got around to talking about how to resolve what he was doing with the fact that he knew some of his guys were going to die. Undeniable truth. That's just all it is.

He wasn't particularly satisfied when I said "it happens and you just continue" but hell, it happens and you just continue.

Any justification or consolation is incredibly hollow. There is now why, war is just politics in action.

Douglas MacArthur Quotes:

The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.
 
I'm a Vietnam Vet with more than a little time in country.

The best advice I have is to just listen when he wants/needs to talk. Just being there means more than you know.

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Maybe start journaling what he brings up, not for him per say. May not be for his family which doesn't seem to be around.

"The unknown soldier" kinda shit. If anything else it would be a good read here if all parties agreed.
 
My daughter is quite the writer, and those two are pretty close. She says that she is going to write a book about him

He does have a interesting life
as a kid he lived in the jungle in Africa, 4x4 mud, river crossings, pet monkey, small airplanes to travel. Went to school and came home on the weekends
been all over the world in the army, fought in a couple wars, he was the guy that made sure there was a 'Unit dog' (platoon?) there because the little bugger made everyone feel good

this guy knows how to calculate for the earth rotation sending armillary for Christ's sake, that blows me away for some reason:grinpimp:
Fascinating life fore sure, I guess I am on the right track anyway, just listen, that is what I do.
 
SomeGuyFromOlympia said:
bad habits are at a minimum, he is a pilot, and takes that role very seriously. I do know at the end of the day, he will throw one back, but he usually flies every day and that is important to him, I do not in a second think he will ever mess that up
He is a great guy.
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He's got at least 2 families then,maybe 3. :flipoff2:


Ask him about therapy and if he's done any. It really helps when you're fucked up by external shit like that. Keep on being his friend and listening if he opens up. :beer:
 
SomeGuyFromOlympia said:
bad habits are at a minimum, he is a pilot, and takes that role very seriously. I do know at the end of the day, he will throw one back, but he usually flies every day and that is important to him, I do not in a second think he will ever mess that up
He is a great guy.
Click to expand...

Sounds like he is a big boy with his shit mostly in line. Dont be captain saveahoe. You will fuck it up
 
OP....

Former vet here.....

Take some time to go visit a veteran resource center, and explain to them you would like some advice, and to learn some coping tools that you can use to help you provide the support that your friend may need.

I'm talking like an hour a week to learn these techniques, which in the long run will benefit both of you.

It may even grow outward to where you are helping more folks than just your friend.

This is why some human beings were put on this earth.....to help other human beings cope with life..... with friendships, and understanding.



.
 
I am not a combat veteran.

I served on active duty from August’83 to September’92. Infantry.

The last three months of my Korea tour (85-86) were spent on the DMZ. We had propaganda blaring over loudspeakers nightly. Once in a while we’d hear automatic gunfire. Then one day the engineers decided to start clearing out an old mine field 300 yards from my tent. We never got a memo :nuke: 😳

I was stationed at Ft. Lewis during Desert Shield/Storm. We were packed up ready to go if North Korea decided to do something stupid.

When Desert Storm wound down I got orders for Panama. I quickly learned the Panamanians were still a little upset over Operation Just Cause. The re-patched Panamanian police (Noriega’s goons) would take pot shots at us when the could. I lost a friend in an ambush on the Trans-isthmian highway, another was injured.

I got out in September’92. I landed in California at my folks place. I had to figure out how to be a civilian again on my own. The term “Veteran” never entered my mind until my now wife brought it up one time.

I guess I have some survivors guilt, and a sense of loss because I didn’t have anyone to vent to who would have any clue what those nine years of my life were like for a long time. A fairly new co-worker is a Marine. The stories we tell raise a few civilians eyebrows 😆

I can’t do crowds.

Talking to people about experiences, especially other vets has helped.
 
guy in Idaho said:
OP....

Former vet here.....

Take some time to go visit a veteran resource center, and explain to them you would like some advice, and to learn some coping tools that you can use to help you provide the support that your friend may need.

I'm talking like an hour a week to learn these techniques, which in the long run will benefit both of you.

It may even grow outward to where you are helping more folks than just your friend.

This is why some human beings were put on this earth.....to help other human beings cope with life..... with friendships, and understanding.



.
Click to expand...
I suspect this is pretty good advice. Do this and I bet you'll learn some stuff that will help.
 
Buddy is the same way but he lives in the middle of no ish where and moves often cause 5 people is too many. I don't see him around much but when I do it's the same, listen, give him shit about daily stuff, tell him how awesome/lucky his family and kids are and to keep in touch.
 
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