TL/DR: Daughter has manipulated situations between both households to the point that she has decided not to come to my house anymore, ex enabling the behavior, and I'm unwilling to bend my values to fit what she wants them to be.
Long story:
For the first time in my life, I have turned down time with my daughter. Her mom says she feels unsafe being here, presumably because I have rules, expectations, and lay down the law. How did we get here? Well, it's been a long road of manipulation on her part, pitting both households against each other and also interhousehold manipulation. Looking back, she's been doing it since she was little. It sucks. The new generation of kids, parented by the public school system are by and large, a bunch of entitled brats taught to focus on self care, finding their personal truths, and retreating to a safe space. I never thought it would happen to my own kid, yet here we are. Hard to instill the values I want to see when my house is just a 30% of the time pit stop now and then. She has found the weaker parent that will put up with her BS and is exploiting that to the detriment of myself. I won't give her the freedom she wants until she has earned it. I won't back off of my values to fit the world that we live in today. I won't endorse her behavior to go along to get along.
She wanted to discuss the issues she has with my wife separately, with only me. Things she has said to hurt my daughter's feelings, and things have said to do the same. I won't entertain it. She will not try to sow dissention throughout my household to play her games. She has had an open floor to discuss anything and everything for her whole life, but if she wants to act like she's an adult, then she needs to address both of us like one. I bet we have both hurt her feelings. It's hard thinking you know everything and having that world crash down because you find out you don't. Lack of humility, lack of human decency, overall being a bitch gets called out and fast. No doubt her feelings have been hurt but I haven't laid a hand on her or even raised my voice to her. Just addressed things as they came up, but she feels unsafe to be here. It's insane.
In the past year, she has lied, manipulated, hidden things, treats everybody like servants, snaps at everybody. She has had 3 boyfriends and her 16th birthday is in 2 weeks. Slept with 2 of them at her moms house, snuck around, got her cell phone taken away, bought a burner, got caught with that. She has run away from home once, snubs her two younger brothers, complains about everything, has zero humility, and is generally unhappy in life. She truly thinks that she is going to marry this boy she's "in love with". She thinks she has life all figured out, but can't even clean her room, cook a meal without considerable help, or do simple tasks without step by step directions.
Her mother refuses to burn her world down, thinking she can change the behavior from coddling her. My recommendation was to pull her from school and put her in a different one, take away her extra curricular activities, and put her on lockdown. Mom is unwilling to do any of that. We spent the last 6 months in a concerted effort to coparent together with my wife taking a lot of the lead on communication since my communication skills dealing with my ex suck. Ex has blown this 6 month effort apart in one night.
Some of that is typical teenage bs, but some is more. I think it's amplified by split households, she has choices that I never had growing up. So all you divorced guys with children, you ever go through this crap? How did it turn out in the end?
Long story:
For the first time in my life, I have turned down time with my daughter. Her mom says she feels unsafe being here, presumably because I have rules, expectations, and lay down the law. How did we get here? Well, it's been a long road of manipulation on her part, pitting both households against each other and also interhousehold manipulation. Looking back, she's been doing it since she was little. It sucks. The new generation of kids, parented by the public school system are by and large, a bunch of entitled brats taught to focus on self care, finding their personal truths, and retreating to a safe space. I never thought it would happen to my own kid, yet here we are. Hard to instill the values I want to see when my house is just a 30% of the time pit stop now and then. She has found the weaker parent that will put up with her BS and is exploiting that to the detriment of myself. I won't give her the freedom she wants until she has earned it. I won't back off of my values to fit the world that we live in today. I won't endorse her behavior to go along to get along.
She wanted to discuss the issues she has with my wife separately, with only me. Things she has said to hurt my daughter's feelings, and things have said to do the same. I won't entertain it. She will not try to sow dissention throughout my household to play her games. She has had an open floor to discuss anything and everything for her whole life, but if she wants to act like she's an adult, then she needs to address both of us like one. I bet we have both hurt her feelings. It's hard thinking you know everything and having that world crash down because you find out you don't. Lack of humility, lack of human decency, overall being a bitch gets called out and fast. No doubt her feelings have been hurt but I haven't laid a hand on her or even raised my voice to her. Just addressed things as they came up, but she feels unsafe to be here. It's insane.
In the past year, she has lied, manipulated, hidden things, treats everybody like servants, snaps at everybody. She has had 3 boyfriends and her 16th birthday is in 2 weeks. Slept with 2 of them at her moms house, snuck around, got her cell phone taken away, bought a burner, got caught with that. She has run away from home once, snubs her two younger brothers, complains about everything, has zero humility, and is generally unhappy in life. She truly thinks that she is going to marry this boy she's "in love with". She thinks she has life all figured out, but can't even clean her room, cook a meal without considerable help, or do simple tasks without step by step directions.
Her mother refuses to burn her world down, thinking she can change the behavior from coddling her. My recommendation was to pull her from school and put her in a different one, take away her extra curricular activities, and put her on lockdown. Mom is unwilling to do any of that. We spent the last 6 months in a concerted effort to coparent together with my wife taking a lot of the lead on communication since my communication skills dealing with my ex suck. Ex has blown this 6 month effort apart in one night.
Some of that is typical teenage bs, but some is more. I think it's amplified by split households, she has choices that I never had growing up. So all you divorced guys with children, you ever go through this crap? How did it turn out in the end?
