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Need to vent

Vancharger

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Member Number
418
Messages
39
Loc
Norway
So... I've been debating with myself to put this here, but I've figured I will, cause you all are good people (most of you) 😂 so I will vent here, cause I need to do it somewhere...
Last year around eastertime, like soon a year ago an old mutual "friend" of me and my best friend came into my house and shot my friend, yes it was alcohol involved, more than enough apparently, and yes there was some drunk aggrevation, but nothing that would lead to this guy going away, and coming back with a rifle and fucking shoot my friend, lying down with his hands above his head and saying, don't shoot... Long story short, the cops came, ambulance came, surgery was made, the case is still not closed because Covid, but I'm having a hell of a time these days, waking up in the middle of the night, yelling at my wife for no real reason, feeling exhausted, don't caring about anything except work or daily chores... Life's a bitch, but I do enjoy the meme thread
 
I am sorry to hear about what has happened to you and your friend. I'm no doctor, but it sounds like PTSD. I'm no lawyer either, but check in with victim services with the police/sheriff/court and they should be able to get you in to a counselor and a psychiatrist to help for free or at a reduced rate. It sounds like this would be beneficial for you. I wish you and your friend the best.
 
Sounds like a real mess dude. Hope your friend gets better and the shooter gets what he deserves.

A lot of what you describe doesn't have to be attributed to that event though. Covid has tested a lot of people and their relationships. Some from being cooped up together and some from loss of normal routines and coping mechanisms.

Hang in there!
 
Man I'm sorry to hear that. Covid has definitely pushed people to their limits. I hope your friend gets better quickly and that you can get some type of help to deal with this. I'll be praying for you that you can find some sort of peace in all of this.
 
Lack of normal social interaction, pandemic lifestyle, had added a lot of unquantifiable stress to many individuals lives. Its not something anyone has seen before in our lifetimes.

Now add in a horrible experience and... its amplified.

Identify the issue(you have), tell your loved ones its bugging you and you are aware its affecting you, apologize when necessary and work on it. - best I got for ya. Good luck man.
 
Thanks, this happened almost a year ago, so physically my friend is fine, although he doesn't run so fast anymore, but he is ok walking. And why I mentioned Covid is that things with court and stuff should have been over and done with a long time ago in my mind, but it hasn't so the shooter is still free, driving past my house every now and then waving and greeting like nothing ever happened... And yes PSTD, it has crossed my mind, I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to talk about this and put it in the records that this still bothers me and affects my life and behavior
 
That last line sounds a bit worrisome and random to me. Not sure why it's sticking out to me. Have you tried to seek professional help to talk about this and your issues you've described?

Not judging, but are you also drinking heavily still? The last year my drinking got worse due to anxiety, money, stress.. so no judgement, but obviously it does not help with the problems you are having.
 
holy hell what do you live in a netflix special?? :eek:

glad your buddy is ok

i wonder if theres some extra covid stress on top of the whole attempted murder stress
 
That last line sounds a bit worrisome and random to me. Not sure why it's sticking out to me. Have you tried to seek professional help to talk about this and your issues you've described?

Not judging, but are you also drinking heavily still? The last year my drinking got worse due to anxiety, money, stress.. so no judgement, but obviously it does not help with the problems you are having.

If anything in my experience will amplify and make it worse.... going on 5 years sober. Life is better for it and dealing with the covid bullshit has been easier as well. I have no doubt shit would be crazy if i wasnt sober.
 
If anything in my experience will amplify and make it worse.... going on 5 years sober. Life is better for it and dealing with the covid bullshit has been easier as well. I have no doubt shit would be crazy if i wasnt sober.

Agreed.
 
Damn, I can't even imagine dealing with that situation.

For some reason there is a social stigma around talking to mental health professionals when people feel they need help. There shouldn't be. I have had a few friends seek help after everything from losing a loved one early in life to dealing with a serious illness, all the way to just having a hard time dealing with being married(not like couples therapy, just him feeling like he should be happy when he isn't type stuff). In each instance, they have said how much this has helped them. Go seek some help, don't feel bad about having to do it. People go to the doctor when they have a physical injury without a second thought. We should all do the same with our mental health.
 
Damn, I can't even imagine dealing with that situation.

For some reason there is a social stigma around talking to mental health professionals when people feel they need help. There shouldn't be. I have had a few friends seek help after everything from losing a loved one early in life to dealing with a serious illness, all the way to just having a hard time dealing with being married(not like couples therapy, just him feeling like he should be happy when he isn't type stuff). In each instance, they have said how much this has helped them. Go seek some help, don't feel bad about having to do it. People go to the doctor when they have a physical injury without a second thought. We should all do the same with our mental health.

Did you miss the entire 'Crispins got pounded' thread? No they don't.

We all want to be Superman, and no one wants to admit when they need help. No mystery why there's a stigma- vanity.

When you've got a bone poking out, you need someone to shove it back in. From a few steps away, here on the innernets, it's clear that you need a hand, Vancharger. I'm glad that you've got a start on fixing things- good luck.

Ps- Don't forget to include your wife. I'm sure she wants you to be happy.
 
So... I've been debating with myself to put this here, but I've figured I will, cause you all are good people (most of you) 😂 so I will vent here, cause I need to do it somewhere...
Last year around eastertime, like soon a year ago an old mutual "friend" of me and my best friend came into my house and shot my friend, yes it was alcohol involved, more than enough apparently, and yes there was some drunk aggrevation, but nothing that would lead to this guy going away, and coming back with a rifle and fucking shoot my friend, lying down with his hands above his head and saying, don't shoot... Long story short, the cops came, ambulance came, surgery was made, the case is still not closed because Covid, but I'm having a hell of a time these days, waking up in the middle of the night, yelling at my wife for no real reason, feeling exhausted, don't caring about anything except work or daily chores... Life's a bitch, but I do enjoy the meme thread

Glad your friend got lucky and did not die, most folks don't survive a rifle shot. For sure you're suffering from PTSD, and totally understandable...get some help.

So out of curiosity, what is the police/government response to something like this? In the US it would be Murder 1 and shooter would go away for a long time or be executed.
 
It is good you are going to talk with your doctor and get some help (talk therapy) etc. The part about the shooter still being out is an aggravation because normal people want to see justice done and have a reasonable outcome when people do terrible things. In my experience, justice is a motherfucker, things don't always go like we think they should. I don't know how to process that sometimes, but it happens where the bad guy does not get the justice he deserves and that can wear on you.

My wife has a friend who was shot 2 years ago in a home invasion and the guy has not even gone to trial yet... and as the time goes on, the prosecutor is less and less engaged and less forceful about what will happen.

It sucks is an understatement. Get the help you need and work through this so you can go on and not wake up in the middle of the night and not take the anger out on the wrong folks.

I am very sorry you have to deal with it.
 
Sounds like you are already seeking out what you should be doing....which is talking about it. Also, get a hobby you are passionate about, it helps.
 
You've already taken the first step and acknowledged that something is b\othering you and you seem to have a good idea what it is. I would ask, is that the only thing that is bothering you? Is there anything else that is or was really grinding your gears and this incident just stuck in your craw?

Is the crime at least being processed for a court appearance?
 
Well I say by your venting to us assholes you are on the right track, We all need someone to talk to, especially a traumatic experience like this. Talk to whomever you are comfortable with, a member of the clergy, an older friend, parent, professional etc. It's not good to keep that shit in, there is help and I think with this covid bullshit you can even call a shrink on the .gov dime. Hope this helps, hang in there brother!
 
Vent.
Better yet, Talk.
Better yet still, go see a councilor, psychologist, psychiatrist or other mental health professional.
The more you deal with this, and the earlier you deal with this, will smooth how fast and how significantly it gets better.
And take the wife with you. She's also dealing with it, if for no other reason than your personality has changed.
 
From someone who struggles with anxiety and depression I can’t repeat the advice others have given you enough! Go see a professional! Not a family practitioner, a psychiatrist or psychologist. They can help you. If you see one and aren’t getting better, move on to another. The guy I see is amazing and probably saved my life.
 
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Vent.
Better yet, Talk.
Better yet still, go see a councilor, psychologist, psychiatrist or other mental health professional.
The more you deal with this, and the earlier you deal with this, will smooth how fast and how significantly it gets better.
And take the wife with you. She's also dealing with it, if for no other reason than your personality has changed.

This,
people go to school to learn to fix this stuff, use them for their craft that is why they are there

If you had a bad bearing, I'd bet that you would be talking to the guy that has the knowledge on where the bearings are without a second thought
 
So... I've been debating with myself to put this here, but I've figured I will, cause you all are good people (most of you) 😂 so I will vent here, cause I need to do it somewhere...
Last year around eastertime, like soon a year ago an old mutual "friend" of me and my best friend came into my house and shot my friend, yes it was alcohol involved, more than enough apparently, and yes there was some drunk aggrevation, but nothing that would lead to this guy going away, and coming back with a rifle and fucking shoot my friend, lying down with his hands above his head and saying, don't shoot... Long story short, the cops came, ambulance came, surgery was made, the case is still not closed because Covid, but I'm having a hell of a time these days, waking up in the middle of the night, yelling at my wife for no real reason, feeling exhausted, don't caring about anything except work or daily chores... Life's a bitch, but I do enjoy the meme thread

One of the things that men's sub-conscious minds are wired for is a protective nature; even though there was probably nothing you could have done at the time, your subconscious may be "upset" because this incident happened "on your watch" so to speak. This subconscious 'protector" part, then, may be on "high alert" (hence waking up in the middle of the night & feeling exhausted) and at the same time feeling inadequate (therefore "yell at the wife for no reason" maybe she'll leave and it won't be responsible for her protection any more), meanwhile the rest of the subconscious mind focuses on other things that you're good at (work & daily chores). I'm not saying this is what you're going through, but perhaps just my hallucination of what you're going through. So is it that you're confused and just want to vent or are you actually (at least a little) mad at yourself for not being able to protect someone "under your roof"?
 
I have bad ptsd.. I used to be a Texas Certified Peer Support Specialist, and for a couple of years I worked at a couple of mental health type hospitals..

one of the reasons I quit, was cuz I couldn't tell people the truth.. look it up for yourself.. weed helps a lot of people once they find the right dosage..

I used to have terribly bad nightmares.. until I started taking Clonidine and Mirtazapine (spelling?).. no more terrors in the night..
 
Get help before this damages your family further.
You have not said much about how your buddy that got shot is doing (emotionally) - he likely is going through worse.
If the Coof restrictions allow, maybe take some martial arts classes to rebuild your confidence that you can protect yourself & your family?
 
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