Family, civil issue thread...

I know you said she's clean and sober, doesn't even drink, but after reading all this I think maybe she should drink or do a little drugs. Shit man at this point maybe snorting a couple of hydros will get her happy enough to accidentally make a good decision? Can't hurt.
 
Ted_Kaczynski said:
Why are you doing everything for her? If she can't manage her own shit maybe she doesn't need a kid to be responsible for.
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It's family plain and simple. Like my second post says, we backed out, if she isn't willing to help herself improve then we aren't going to do it for her.
 
45acp said:
I know you said she's clean and sober, doesn't even drink, but after reading all this I think maybe she should drink or do a little drugs. Shit man at this point maybe snorting a couple of hydros will get her happy enough to accidentally make a good decision? Can't hurt.
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Agreed.... In honesty, as I get older I learn that laziness is just as bad as drugs... Just because your clean doesn't mean your not a turd! Her laziness is going to probably cost her custody of her child and it's sad to watch.
 
My ex wife did visits to people who were on SSI benefits. The "official" sob story behind these were farmers and etc who worked hard but didnt know to save for retirement blah blah. In reality it was mostly people who had nothing but sob stories, but guess what - when you dug every single one there was a good reason they were in that position. They had been on drugs/drunk, they alienated everyone in their family, they refused to work, they had constant "health problems" that no doctor could ever diagnose or treat.

Yes there are people with shit luck. I know a few who work their asses off and seem to just get the short end of the stick all the time. But most people there is a damn good reason they are where they are.
 
DFW Rusty said:
It's family plain and simple. Like my second post says, we backed out, if she isn't willing to help herself improve then we aren't going to do it for her.
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Good call. I bet she says she'll do anything for her kid out of the same mouth that says she won't change jobs. Poor kid.
 
It's great that the SIL showed her true colors before OP got invested financially or emotionally in this situation. I'd probably send her a smartass thank you card.
 
My gf moved with me to VA from FL. Her family is not the most socially advanced. It has taken time and coaching for her to divorce herself from them. They want to drag her in. They want to gossip. It's all very unproductive. But, she has done great. The distance is perfect. Nobody can drop by to spill their crap on her. They used to do it daily. Now it's the occasional phone call, and she can always make an excuse to get off. I'm worried about me and those that are directly mine. I used to think that reached as far as my brothers, but I've since realized that it is not reciprocated. So, less to worry about seems just about perfect. l have me, my gf, her daughter, my son and my two daughters on my radar. That is quite enough.
 
rugger said:
My gf moved with me to VA from FL. Her family is not the most socially advanced. It has taken time and coaching for her to divorce herself from them. They want to drag her in. They want to gossip. It's all very unproductive. But, she has done great. The distance is perfect. Nobody can drop by to spill their crap on her. They used to do it daily. Now it's the occasional phone call, and she can always make an excuse to get off. I'm worried about me and those that are directly mine. I used to think that reached as far as my brothers, but I've since realized that it is not reciprocated. So, less to worry about seems just about perfect. l have me, my gf, her daughter, my son and my two daughters on my radar. That is quite enough.
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Yeah man, you get to pick your family about as much as who moves into your neighborhood.

I love my Mom to death, she's one of the finest most gracious people I've ever met, and my Dad was the guy in the office that everyone likes, but nobody fucked with, two really exceptional people. Then there's me and my two sisters. Older one is A-type go-go all the time, broke the glass ceiling in the tax appraiser's office in LA county, (I know BFD), and her husband is a retired lawyer that belabors any story to nauseum, he's a nice guy but damn are those two tiring. Then there's my two year younger sister who has steadily over the years accepted less and less as far as living standards, and especially boyfriends, the current one she's been with 20+ years and he's actually had a job for about 6 months of those 20, always having to quit or he was going to have to kick somebody's ass, :homer:.

So me and the wife don't have much to do with any family members but her twin nieces, (really only one of them, because the other one is always spun up about something and her kids are a nightmare), and my mom. We don't get wrapped up in any drama, and it makes for a nice peaceful life. Same with friends, if they get too weird they get marginalized, I get it, you love the people in your life in spite of their faults, but there's like limits man.
 
It's all about setting boundaries.

The more shit you let in, the less happy you'll be.

Slowly teaching the current gf this, her family and job is all the drama and stress. She's seeing the light that the less she indulges it and more boundaries she sets, the happier and less anxious she is.
 
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