What's new

Family, civil issue thread...

DFW Rusty

Well-known member
Joined
May 21, 2020
Member Number
898
Messages
416
This is not going to be a very interesting thread for 99% of you, but this is my last forum where I have some sort of anonymity from friends and family. I can't exactly get on Facebook asking questions about this... so... here I am.

I have officially been asked by my SIL to help her out. I am not very legal smart... I just seem to have common sense and I am good at being un-biased. My wife has helped her getting paperwork together for her attorney and what not, but my SIL asked me to help figure out why she is getting her ass handed to her.

Back story- My dumb sister in law (SIL) gets knocked up by a guy she dated for like 4 months and has his kid in 2015 (3 weeks after we had our middle child). SIL and baby daddy (BD) cant get along and split weeks before they have the kid. He is a real winner and already has 3 other kids with 2 other women. He is a broke ass bitch during all this, but his parents loan him the money to try and get custody of the kid from my SIL. He loses in court, due to him being on probation for a felony drug charge and a dui he got just weeks prior to the court date. They are granted mutual guardianship with her having the majority control. He bails and pretty much has nothing to do with her until mid last year, never paid a cent in child support either. He now owns a construction company and makes really good money. A situation happens on thanks giving of 2020 where my SIL kid stuck something up her butt and it got stuck. She had to take her to Cooks hospital, at which point due to the issue the hospital brought in a CPS agent and they asked my SIL kid why she did what she did and her response was "it's a game that my sisters and I play at my daddy's house". Side story: Her oldest sister (all siblings are from father, my SIL only has the one child) has a history of sexual abuse from her biological mother's situation as well as violent and sexual tendencies that everyone is fully aware of. The CPS agent at cooks advises my SIL to not let the child go back to the father's house until a court hearing and investigation is done. She complies and it stirs up a hornets nest. The father hires a good lawyer and some how gets the CPS case disband on "not enough physical evidence". Then he, to put it best, "retaliates" by getting a restraining order on my SIL on behalf of my SIL child saying that he is concerned for the child's well being. This lasted through christmas and most of January. A few weeks ago, SIL child came home from father's house with bruises on her lower back and butt and my SIL notified the CPS agent and she said that the bruises look too old to be circumstantial. In the last 3 months he has gotten the issued CPS agent that represents my SIL child to enforce all of his concerns on my SIL, yet all concerns my SIL has are always sidelined. NOTE: she has a shitty attorney that was cheap, and this is probably the majority of why she is getting her ass kicked.

Facts: Father has felony drug charge from 2011 that he just finished probation for in January of this year. Father has DUI conviction from August of 2015. He is $17,000 behind on child support, the daughter of which the thanksgiving incident is still living at his home. He has a pool being built and he was told to build a barrier around to keep the kids out yet he has not done it, this was brought up by my SIL attorney due to the violent tendencies of the eldest daughter and the fear that she may push a sibling into the pull.
Mother (my SIL): had a boy friend living with her during this time that had a felony assault charge which caused some issues between my SIL and the CPS agent (boyfriend is now gone). My SIL is renting a house on her own and is clean with no arrests, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs. However, she lives in a crappy area (that is all she can afford) and her land lord technically lives on the same property behind her and is a known drug user and now the CPS wants her to either move or the landlord has to do a drug test (landlord said they are not doing a drug test). She has really shitty taste in men, but has never let her child be around these guys in any situations that would allow harm to the child. She has no taxable income because she cleans houses for people in the town she lives in.

Situation at current:
Court is not pressing the father to get the elder daughter who has a dangerous history in counselling even though in their court hearing in January he was advised to do so.
Court is not enforcing the barrier around the pool.
Court is not seeming too concerned about the fact that there is a case of child on child sexual abuse in the house of the father.
Court is threatening to remove child from mother due to living circumstances because druggy landlord lives in a house on the same property.
Court is not taking SIL complaints/ concerns seriously.
SIL notified CPS of child abuse from father and CPS agent shrugged it.
Court will not discuss the situation of the un-paid child support.

My questions:
I told her she needs to file a complaint with CPS that the agent is being biased towards the father. She is concerned that the CPS agent will be even more aggressive if she files a complaint. Do y'all think the complaint seem legitimate, because if so I am going to push her to do the complaint. Or do y'all think it's a bad idea for her to file a complaint?

Shouldn't the un-paid chiild support come into play? I mean if he had been paying over the last 5 years she might have been able to afford a better living situation.

Any general thoughts are welcomed....!?

or should I just say fuck this, it aint my fight. My wife told me last night that I didn't have to get involved, but my SIL child is almost like one our own. We know if the father gets custody we will not see the child again, and this bothers me deeply.
 
I've dealt with similar issues and found I was not getting the straight story from my family. Nobody wants to own that they aren't doing what they should be to protect their children. Your situation may be different, but I doubt it.

If you mess with a shitty situation, you will get shit on you and likely part of your family if not all of it. You (or someone close to you) will be accused of child abuse if you get involved with this.

It will be a financial drain for you.

There is a good chance your SIL will be just as pissed at you as her baby daddy by the time this is over.

Having said all that, file the complaint with the social services supervisor. The current situation is fucking her over anyway, can't get much worse.

Also can she not file for support through the state and let them handle collections? It seems that is common in most states now.

Change lawyers immediately.
 
Your SIL sounds like an idiot and the kids dad sounds like an even bigger idiot. I feel real bad for the kid and hate that situations like this exist. Sometimes when idiots collide the best course of action is to stay as far away from the situation as you possibly can. Good luck.
 
I would be bringing your entire list in your Current Situation List to the attention of the CPS agent supervisor and family court and dont take no for an answer. Those are unlawful activities and should be corrected.
Pretty sure homeowners insurance requires the barrier around the pool when kids/animals are involved, maybe get them involved? Maybe call police and tell them CPS is not working to protect the child.
I agree it sounds like you're not getting all the info. It will get ugly but the people that care most about that kid will prevail.
Good Luck man!
 
As stated, this is a simple geometry equation, and resembles something that looks like stupid to the third power.

I have just went through the court system, not exactly these exact circumstances, but different variables.
Don't count on CPS, they will flip when it is them on the line.
Dont count on the school being mandatory reporters, because they will turn their heads when it comes down to it
The courts don't care, they are more worried about them getting home on schedule at the end of the day.
This is a paperwork game, followed by evidence, followed by constant track record.
Your family NEEDS a lawyer, they are expensive, they are worth the money.......who the hell wants to sit through all that schooling droning on about laws...pay the people, they did their time
Find the right lawyer, I have had lawyers that I was pretty sure was working for her

Keep this in mind, lawyers are like a mechanic or a doctor. They have to have the right tools. You or SIL in this case own the tool box, your tools just happen to be paperwork and evidence

The real looser here is the kids.

It took me the better part of 10 years for me collecting evidence
took everything I had to one attorney, he told me I didnt have shit
Same evidence across town to the next guy , I not have full custody, and mom has supervised visits

If you want to know more I can help, but sound like Mom needs to check her shit and get with it

Go watch Shawshank Redemption, and count of monty cristo, cause that is the game
 
I just re read this
Situation at current:
Court is not pressing the father to get the elder daughter who has a dangerous history in counselling
I put my daughter in counseling, they are a load of info when it comes to this stuff FIY, and their notes can be used in court even though in their court hearing in January he was advised to do so.
Court is not enforcing the barrier around the pool
I had this concern, kiddo got into swimming lessons immediately .
Court is not seeming too concerned about the fact that there is a case of child on child sexual abuse in the house of the father.
Counseling will help
Court is threatening to remove child from mother due to living circumstances because druggy landlord lives in a house on the same property..
Move....duh
Court is not taking SIL complaints/ concerns seriously.
Got to act seriously to be taken seriously,
SIL notified CPS of child abuse from father and CPS agent shrugged it.
Document it, you will do this a lot
Court will not discuss the situation of the un-paid child support.
They dont care, but when Dad tries to drive off with a suspended license that is a sheriff call, and document it
 
Facts: Father has felony drug charge from 2011 that he just finished probation for in January of this year. Father has DUI conviction from August of 2015. He is $17,000 behind on child support, the daughter of which the thanksgiving incident is still living at his home. He has a pool being built and he was told to build a barrier around to keep the kids out yet he has not done it, this was brought up by my SIL attorney due to the violent tendencies of the eldest daughter and the fear that she may push a sibling into the pull.
Mother (my SIL): had a boy friend living with her during this time that had a felony assault charge which caused some issues between my SIL and the CPS agent (boyfriend is now gone). My SIL is renting a house on her own and is clean with no arrests, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs. However, she lives in a crappy area (that is all she can afford) and her land lord technically lives on the same property behind her and is a known drug user and now the CPS wants her to either move or the landlord has to do a drug test (landlord said they are not doing a drug test). She has really shitty taste in men, but has never let her child be around these guys in any situations that would allow harm to the child. She has no taxable income because she cleans houses for people in the town she lives in.

You say she's clean, no drink/drugs, but she sure seems to live like the typical drunk or tweeker. If she really is that squeaky clean, why the fuck is she living like white trash and dating pieces of shit?

I think you should stay far away from this. Tell her to get a real job and decent house and fix her shitty life. Sounds like her ex/the baby daddy did.
 
I've dealt with similar issues and found I was not getting the straight story from my family. Nobody wants to own that they aren't doing what they should be to protect their children. Your situation may be different, but I doubt it.

If you mess with a shitty situation, you will get shit on you and likely part of your family if not all of it. You (or someone close to you) will be accused of child abuse if you get involved with this.

It will be a financial drain for you.

There is a good chance your SIL will be just as pissed at you as her baby daddy by the time this is over.

Having said all that, file the complaint with the social services supervisor. The current situation is fucking her over anyway, can't get much worse.

Also can she not file for support through the state and let them handle collections? It seems that is common in most states now.

Change lawyers immediately.
I agree with all of this, and also the idea that you are probably the best advocate for your neice.

I will add that the financial drain of a good lawyer in the short term will be nothing if you let SIL flounder and she loses custody and you are begged to help later. I would speak with her and your wife before doing so, but I think you should take the lead on this, with the understanding that if SIL doesn't do exactly as you say in the short term, you are going to be done.

1: dump current lawyer, get best lawyer. Not just best for the money, but THE BEST family law attorney within your area.
2: Help her get into an apartment somewhere that is 'safer'. At least temporarily.
3: Take time off if needed to back up SIL when court happens. She needs someone who won't let her fold
4: get new lawyers advice on how to handle CPS situation, then do it EXACLTY
5: shoot for full custody if new lawyer thinks you stand a chance. Get your neice out of that house. I'm sure we all know how abused girls usually turn out.
6: when it's all over, speak to lawyer about SIL possibly signing over power of attorney to you, not your wife but you. She has a track record of bad decisions and at least in the short term needs to have a check against making them. I would have suggested that earlier in this list, but it may look bad when fighting the father in court.

Ultimately, your neice needs to take priority. Financially, the slow bleed of trying to rescue SIL over and over again from herself will cost way more than helping her now, and someone in this situation NEEDS to get your neice out of this situation ASAP. From what you've written, you're probably the only one who can.

Good luck.
 
I just re read this
Situation at current:
Court is not pressing the father to get the elder daughter who has a dangerous history in counselling
I put my daughter in counseling, they are a load of info when it comes to this stuff FIY, and their notes can be used in court even though in their court hearing in January he was advised to do so.
Court is not enforcing the barrier around the pool
I had this concern, kiddo got into swimming lessons immediately .
Court is not seeming too concerned about the fact that there is a case of child on child sexual abuse in the house of the father.
Counseling will help with the reporting, they unfortunately are taken more seriously that just a person with a opinion
Court is threatening to remove child from mother due to living circumstances because druggy landlord lives in a house on the same property..
Move....duh
Court is not taking SIL complaints/ concerns seriously.
Got to act seriously to be taken seriously,
SIL notified CPS of child abuse from father and CPS agent shrugged it.
Document it, you will do this a lot
Court will not discuss the situation of the un-paid child support.
They dont care, but when Dad tries to drive off with a suspended license that is a sheriff call, and document it
 
is there not a 'edit post'?
In barely visible gray text
edit.JPG
 
sounds like SIL is a hoodrat even tlaking to a guy like that, much less getting knocked up by him.

Fuck them both Her mess, let her sort it out.
 
It takes a ton of money to win something like this. financially it will ruin families. Even with all kinds of money you are way too far behind now.
BD attorney is already playing all the angles, they probably have been for years and well known. He has his circles of good 'ol boys and knows what to expect and how to get away with it.
I have seen people spend hundreds of thousands on bribes, private detectives, other people to cause trouble and intimidation. In the end both parties looked like horrible parents and they both lost custody to the grand parents.
the judge hated both of them so much he took the child away from both of them.
The mother was clearly a decent person and Daddy was garbage, but daddy had money. Made mom look worse than him.

Every time she went to a counselor, or CPS or even the cops it was always, yeah his attorney already stopped by and said you would come in with some BS to retaliate. true crimes or not he got away with them.

In the end one of them just walked away and left the kid behind. Because the kid was being tortured, each parent working the kid against the other. Neither parent had a life.

Nobody wins in a situation like that, but if you don't have a crooked lawyer and $500k to spend I would seriously consider if the fight can be won.

If she has Primary custody, then she needs to move to a different county/city and start over with a system that has not been corrupted or knows them yet.

That is her only chance that I can see.

Another state would be best. One with better laws to protect her custody.
 
^hard facts right there. save everyone time, money, headache, heartbreak. don't ruin the kid's life too because the parents are shitbags.
 
Best thing you could do is hire her a better lawyer, then stay out of it.
I will add to this,

She shouldn't have any man living in her house with her kids.

She needs to move.
I don't believe there are no other neighborhoods she can live. Around here, even the richest neighborhood you can find a garbage apartment to rent.
and she needs to pick a good school district to show she cares about where the kid will be going to school.

But there is nothing YOU can do, except maybe look for apartments, so when she says there aren't any, you can show her there are indeed places available.
 
Has your SIL kid even been in the system? If so, she may still have a CASA/GAL (child advocate assigned by the country) familiar with the case. could be a starting point
 
the suck part, OP really doesn't get a say in anything

Mom is going to have to want it though. It isn't an impossible task, she isn't going to get it handed to her.

But if the kid is being sexually abused, OP can report everything that he see/hears to the proper authorities.

We unfortunately have a family member, little girl 6, who isn't in the best situation. The family KNOWS that I watch, and will throw who ever under the bus in a millisecond for that kind of behaver .

People suck
 
I know I have said this
but for real, try calling a consoler, even if you cant get the girl or mom to cooperate, just you call and ask what can be done. They know the who/what/when/and how's of this shitty game

It really helped my game plan personally. (like having a bonding evaluation done between the parents)

Hopefully OP will lift a little off his conscious
 
Where does the child live? City and state. How old is the child? Can you afford a good attorney? Do you have or access to the medical records from the assault?
 
Hire her a good lawyer and stay the hell out of it.

99% there is stuff you don't know. But it also sounds like the ex knows how court works - the better lawyer wins, not the truth. Also if your sil likes dirtbags and lives hood rat style she probably is the type that won't do the work, just count on "the truth" will win. Same attitude as all the lazy idiots on fb whining after their car they didn't maintain broke down and now they can't get to work where they are the best worker but their boss will fire them if they are late once (since they actually are useless)

The best you can do is give them resources. Hire a good lawyer, hire a private eye if needed. Don't got testify as some unknown will probably end up with you getting railroaded. Don't try and tell them what to do. Let the lawyer do that.
 
I appreciate the advice in here.... REALLY DO... Wife and I decided to run for the hills and watch from the distance.

Yesterday, not maybe 2 hours after I posted this, my SIL was contacted by the court and told that she had until the 27th to move from the property she currently lives on or forfeit the child until she changes her living situation. I spent the rest of my day trying to find apartments and rental properties that she could move to. My wife found a nice apartment complex in a very small town only 20 min from where she lives now for sub $500 a month, they can have it move in ready by May 3rd. So, we had my SIL come over to discuss all this. We told her that she will have to get a normal tax paying job, because the apartment complex requires the tenants to have a regular job. We told her that she could come crash at our house for the next couple weeks until the apartment was ready. Her response was "I really like my current job, it gives me freedom of picking my own schedule". She is planning to move to a camper at her dad's house.... My wife and I were dumb founded. We knew she was a lazy person, because she only cleans maybe 2-3 houses a week and only makes like $100 a house at best, but we didn't think she was so lazy that she wouldn't be willing to get a regular job. My wife got steaming pissed and told her we were done helping, and that we should probably start working on a common ground relationship with the baby daddy so that we can still be present in the kids life.

So, all the stay out of it people were 100% right. I honestly think my SIL is looking for other people to handle this for her, whether financially or just the bull shit and she damn near suckered me into helping.

It's funny cuz my wife's family isn't like her. Her parents both work, my wife has had the same job at a dr office for 9+ years, their youngest brother is has his pilots license and is going to school to be an electrical engineer. Yet the middle child of their family turned out to be a lazy ho bag....
 
  • Like
Reactions: DMG
Top Back Refresh